Please bear with me I am very new to all this, feeling very scared, shaky, sick, angry, confused tired, sad, tearful etc.....here goes!!!
My hubby has come back from an amazing for him, life changing holiday. He met a whole new group of buddies and is making a massive effort to keep in touch and relive the experience. Which is great for him since he usually sits on his backside drinking in front of the tv. Not interacting with anyone me or the kids or his friends. So I'm thinking this could be great now. We have two children together.
Now, since him being back, he is a lot more chilled out, doesn't stress like he used too all sounds great I know.
I'm not going to go into past stuff between us as it was pretty dark. We have been seeing a counsellor Anyways he seems to have this totally different outlook on life from before.
It all started for me when he sat us down and showed us the beautiful photos of the setting where he went. Then came some pictures of him and some girls!!! Automatically inside I went all defensive, why are they sitting there like that with him? Do they not know he is married? My daughter looked at me in a strange way too. I was manifesting these pictures for a while. Maybe they are innocent maybe not. He even said he wasn't sure to show me incase I got the wrong idea, but he decided to anyway.
I thought one day I would look through his ipad at some photos, found out he had deleted some before his slide show, one of him and a girl in some water cave. Some other close ups of this girl too. Ok again I'm thinking could be completely innocent.
I eventually asked him about the pictures and he said I'm being stupid and he was just having fun with these girls! They are his new friends along with everyone else on the holiday guys and girls. Ok fine.
He has now changed the codes on his phone and iPad, always on the phone messaging people. From 6.30am through to 1am. Saying he is aloud his privacy. Ok cool!! Still making me wonder. As he has never been like this before getting a bit more concerned.
Especially this one particular girl. One weekend he went away, and stayed in a hotel as it was cheaper then getting a cab back. Fair enough, Very shady about his plans when I asked. Was on at me about getting my friends round whilst he was out so I can have a good time too.
When he came back I asked about his weekend. It turned out he was dropped off by this girl at the end of our lane so I didn't get mixed messages, she also came to pick him up when I was out. He only told me because he was spotted.
Then it turned out he shared a room with this girl this weekend away and apparently another guy too. It was a hotel room with two floors??
For some unknown reason I had an urge to check his beside draw and count our condoms. I'd brought a pack of 14 after his hols. We had sex twice so there should have been 12. I counted over and over again still came to ten. My heart is pounding feeling sick to the stomach maybe I got the amount wrong, went to the shop and checked whilst doing my shopping yep definitely 14 pack. So I counted again still ten. After a while once he was back. I thought right I'll check one more time and to my amazement there was 12!!!!!! I got quite angry and just had it out with him. He said I'm so not thorough with stuff I've probably missed counted. Mmmmmmm!!!
There is so much more stuff that's odd going on I don't want to bore you with it all. But I'm now feel I'm turning into some neurotic crazy bunny boiler wife. I have never ever felt this way before it is not me to feel like this.
We have been together for 15 years married 10 this year. He is very secretive about everything he does now. Doesn't really talk to me about anything much anymore apart from how much money he has made at work, and how he wants "cuddles" at night.
He has sworn to me and the counsellor that there is nothing going on. To be honest would he fess up in front of us both? I don't know.
One day I've got going through my head no way is he cheating then something crops up and I'm going backwards again. My moods are so up and down everytime I hear certain songs I cry. He is saying he doesn't know whether he is coming home to me happy or grumpy. I told him I feel insecure and do not trust him he says he is not responsible for my feelings. Well actually in my mind the way he is acting and behaving is making me feel like this so yeah he is responsible.
The past week we ive been making an effort to be intimate, as I'm worried if i don't he will ended up leaving. One night I refused as tired, he said I was so fucking boring then turned over went onto facebook and was back messaging.
I thought this week things were going ok, still having a doubt in my mind but trying not to let it get to me, I have sneakily found out his pass codes and was shocked to find more pictures of this girl, pornsites on his history and some flirty conversation on messenger. Wtf am I to do?
I am now seeing the same councillor on my own until I have worked out what's making me so insecure and not being able to trust people then the plan is to go back to couples counselling after.
So yeah thanks for reading if you got this far. Any advice or similar senarios and outcomes very most welcome.