Hug needed. Lost my friend alcohol related.

[strawberryblondebint]

Before I start I am an alcoholic. I am 3 years and 7 months sober thanks to aa and mumsnet. I regularly attend my local meeting and have met some very lovely people and they have become very important to me. One guy who was six years sober became a good friend to me. He gave me a hanky each week in the early days. I went to his wedding and met his wife. Every tues night for the last 3 years we met. Six months ago it all seemed to go wrong for him. He decided to take a break from aa. He quit his job. He left his wife. He kept in touch by text sporadically and he was in another city looking for work and I know he was drinking. The call came yesterday. He was found dead. That's all I know. It's a waste and a sin and I'm angry and teary and scared. Alcoholism kills. That would have been me.

Hugs for you OP. Losing a friend is so hard, whatever the cause, and he sounds like he was a good friend to you when you needed one.

Be strong.

I'm sorry you lost your friend and that as well as being bereaved you are in shock about feeling that it was a close call.

One day at a time. Please continue accessing support as needed. 3 years and 7 months sober is an achievement, keep going.

If your 3+ years sober then you must know that sobriety means dealing with the demons you used to anithsatise by drinking
If he never did this...if he was a dry drunk, then they were just waiting in the dark to claim him
Your best tribute to him might be to learn from his mistakes
Not that this is consolation and I still offer for your loss

Hey honey
So sad
No words
Am at the end of the phone if you need me. Xxxxxx

I lost a friend this time last year from alcohol.

I will never forget visiting her after a spell in intensive care and realising that she wasn't going to stop until she was dead. It took her four more months but she got there and it was and still is heart breaking.

I'm sorry you have lost this friend. When you're watching someone slowly die from alcoholism, it is very easy to imagine that they are making a choice. I can't help feeling cross with her sometimes because, selfishly, I miss her and I need her still to be in our lives.

Like your friend, she was young, kind and had an awful lot to live for.

Very sorry to hear about your friend. It is particularly scary when you realise it could have just as easily been you - and what a senseless waste it is. Why on earth didn't we all stop sooner?

However, we make our own choices; I'm at 3 years and 10 months so the same 'vintage' (pun intended) as you. I worry a great deal about how I will cope with stressful situations in the future but you know that taking a break from active management of your sobriety, whatever form that takes is not the answer. In fact that's when you need the support most.

The other very sad lesson from this is that we can never assume we are safe. Look at someone like Philip Seymour Hoffman - what on earth made him go back to his addiction after 23 years? Such a waste.

Your anger is quite understandable - you just have to work through it. Are you attending a meeting today? It might help.

I actually went straight to a meeting as soon as I found out. Im just so fucking angry. I suppose I can now experience the feelings I put my friends and family through when I was still out there drinking.

Yep - and the mystified sense of 'why would you do something so fucking stupid?'

It is senseless, and illogical. No-one knows that better than us, unfortunately.

I lost my brother to alcohol last July, I feel your pain and anger.

Keep strong and take care xxx

I found my father dead one day thanks to alcoholism. I feel your pain & anger. Sending you big supportive hugs. Stay strong. Learn from this sad experience

So sorry

So sorry I hope you have lots of support xxxxx

So sorry for your loss. My best friend lost her uncle 2 years ago to alcohol. We all knew it was coming but still a huge shock when it did. You've done amazing to get this far!

Very sorry to hear this, but also congrats on your sobriety. I know from the experience of people close to me how bloody hard that is and please please hold onto it.

I lost my dad to alcohol twice - the first time when I cut contact because I couldn't cope with his behaviours, and the second when it took his life, after a decade of no contact. He never met his grandchildren, or my fantastic partner.

It's an evil, evil disease, and one that people find hard to understand unless they've seen it in full swing. I'm so sorry you've had to see it from both sides.

A million congratulations on beating it - may you long continue down the road you're on. You showed massive strength when you turned to other people when you felt this loss, rather than turn inwards and risk drinking again.

Thanks everyone. It's a sign of how far I have come that I didn't try and blot out my emotions with booze. I have had a taste of life without alcohol controlling me. It's beyond my wildest dreams. I don't want to go back there

So v sorry.

My grandad died after a lifetime of alcoholism.

strawberry remember me? I was thinking of you the other day when I went to a little ice - cream café, so I am delighted to hear how well you are doing on your own journey .

How sad and awful to lose your friend, but you know that is HIS story, and one of the important things is that your story is different. Such a devastating relapse can serve to remind us how precarious our sobriety is, yet it can also encourage us to continue to be compassionate and kind to ourselves in our recovery.

I lost a family member and a very wise friend encouraged me to direct my anger towards alcohol ( rather than the person or even myself ) and to use that energy to strengthen everything positive about being sober.

Keep going to meetings to talk about it - grief takes its own path in how it works itself through and knowing that you will always have support in the AA community is great.

Venus how lovely to hear from you. And making perfect sense as usual. A few of us are meeting later today so there will probably be some tears and some laughter. If I'm back in your town I will get on touch. Loads of catching up to do. Thankyou friend.