I have been almost no contact for a year. There is a clear court order in place which gives ex regular time with dd (one third of nights). So there's very little that needs discussing, and texts are used for necessary communication. Handovers occur at school most of the time. I ask someone else to do the occasional handover not at school or have someone with me. Ex previously verbally abusive in front of dd, usually always about how awful I am, unfit parent, put dd in danger, etc etc. Had escalated to snatching dd out of my arms at drop off, following me to car shouting abuse at collection and forcing self in to car to shout at me etc ie starting to get physical. Since low contact/court order in place it's been much better, dd seems more settled. (DVO early on for forcing way into my house, silly me went back in contact, that was a few years ago now).
Occasionally we are at same place for school events etc. I ignore and stay around other people. But there's one coming up where I will be arriving with dd and ex might decide to go to the event too, but there won't be many other people around while we wait. It's an extacurricular thing and dd only does the second session so most other kids/parents will be inside. I thought of staying in car till we're allowed in, but ex did approach car and try to talk to me at a recent handover when I was on my own.
The thing is that ex has been 'nice' for well over a year, and when I talk to family to discuss strategies for how to cope with a potential situation where I could be alone with ex I'm starting to get suggestions that I could just pretend to be nice and get along. But I did this for years and I kept copping the abuse. I know I have to stay away for my own and dd's mental health and safety. I believe ex will bully me again given an opportunity. I have kept notes of the abuse over the last two and a half years and I've started reading through them to remind me how bad it was. The notes have filled a school exercise book.
But it's hard to stay strong. I think maybe I'm being childish/unreasonable, especially when my mother and others say maybe I could just play along.
Does anyone else have any stories that I might find reassuring that I'm not being an overreacting child??