Feel like my life's choices are being eroded

[colditz]

I have been with dp for 5 years, and he has always been crap with money. We live in a crappy area.

I recently started applying for private rental houses, and we have been turned down for every single one, because dp is consistantly late paying our rent.

I can't leave him, I have nowhere to go. None of the estate agents round here will accept people with housing benefits unless you have a guarantor who owns their own house! I only know two people who own their own bloody house, and neither of them will sign to say they will pay my rent if I don't.

So They won't take me and that is that. Dp won't leave. He just won't. And I have no way of making him.

I can't live with the consant fury that I feel for him any more. But I literally have nowhere to go. And he won't.

I am trapped, totally trapped, I will never own my own house because we are poor and what little we have spare he fritters away.

I feel utterly miserable and frustrated. I have contacted everyone, every estate agent, all the housing associations, the council. We are housed appropriately to the size of our family, and I don't know how to make him leave without telling lies about him, which I won't do.

7 of those.

I am going to have a glass of wine.

Colditz

Go and enjoy your wine, we are not being horrible, we just care.

Much Love

LGJ

It's crap colditz, I'd have done him in by now, you have to find a way to leave.

I know, I'm not getiing any horrible vibes, and you are right.

It ups my frustration levels though, seeing it on paper.

He won't go, because he has nowhere to go.

Colditz I was reading thru and thinking the same thing you suggested yourself. Wait til he is out and then change the locks. If need be cardboard over the letterbox to deaden the shouting out.

The only way things will change is if you go your seperate ways. Enforce it on him.

Sorry you are so desperately fed up and in many ways stuck.

If you really want to move on that it is goint to be tough and not nice.

HTH

Oh, colditz. I'm sorry that this is happening to you. You have friends on MN. Old ones (no offence, Sherlock ) like Sherlock who can see the difference. You can do it. Say "I think I can" "I don't think I can" "I think I can" etc on here if it helps. I know someone like this btw. The children are now the adult instead of him. They are older than yours - one a teenager and the other a few years off. You don't want your kids to be tossing and turning unable to sleep because they don't feel secure I know. If he has had all the counselling then maybe he can't be helped. Sad but perhaps like an alcoholic who thinks others are over reacting when pointing out how much s/he drinks. He can't see the problem because seeing it would mean either facing up to it or not being a man enough to do that and instead saying by default you're wrong. Say if you were to leave him - forgetting the housing thing for the mo - how much money would you get for maintenance? Child benefit? Other benefits? Please look into it all. It doesn't mean that the children wouldn't see him if you did go through with it but you'd be responsible for their life security i.e. housing, food etc, not him. I don't usually look on MN threads like this, just the superficial ones. It's opened my eyes to problems that people have in their lives. I want things to get better for you, I really do and I barely know you.

c, in that case don't leave and get him out. If you rent somewhere then why don't you see a lawyer about the best way to separate physically. If you are not married I think there are still financial things you can do under the Children's Act about money and property which might mean you can split and he has to leave, rather than you leave. Tell hlim the relationship is over and that you want him to leave, that if he does not then you will have to take legal steps to secure that, then treat him as if he is not there, don't wash, clean, move to another bed room. Don't speak to him.

If you change the locks that is probably illegal but might work but isn't very fair on him to have to find somewhere else. You probably need to find a job whatever happens too.

Lots of good advice here.