DH struggles to get erection unless we are having full sex

[abitawkwardreally]

He usually cannot get fully hard unless he is actually inside me and then he is really good. I would love more foreplay though. I have tried various ways of getting him fully hard before we do it, but he seems to want to rush to the actual act. I think it is a confidence issue. I know he can do it as very occasionally he has and once hard inside me he has no trouble keeping erect.

Tis a bit awkward. But just because he's soft doesn't mean he can't please you or feel pleasure? Does he get off seeing you getting turned on? Or is he a bit selfish?

That's the thing. He is not selfish when we are actually doing it and will kiss my boobs, feel me and make sure I come, etc. I feel a bit useless however as I would love to really turn him on and do things to him but am put off doing it as I find it awkward and also it makes me feel a bit shitty like I can't get him in the mood.

Does he have any health problems or might he have? Diabetes, being overweight, high BP and so on can result in lack of potency for medical reasons.

I wouldn't take it personally. People are really individual in what makes them hard/wet/come. Lots of women can only orgasam through oral but that doesn't mean a penis doesn't give them enormous pleasure. He can't get hard without your vagina but that doesn't mean he's not enjoying himself beforehand.

No health problems and he can get and maintain an erection in me. That is interesting Sensation thank you. I sometimes try to give him a blow job but he just stays semi erect and I worry he's not enjoying it. It's just reallt limiting on positions we can do etc as we have to really do missionary position to get it in (sorry tmi) then I daren't really change things in case he loses it.

Sorry I don't understand. Is he soft for penetration? Surely he is hard before he enters you, can you do stuff then?

X-post sorry.

He doesn't have to be hard for foreplay though. Can't you both focus on you for that? Maybe he gets "shy" when all the attention is on him as it definitely sounds psychological rather than physical.

Has this always been the case or has it changed over time?

Always been like this except for a few times.

Does he, has he, ever masturbated and does he get hard and come then?

He can't be that soft or he'd not be able to penetrate.

How about foreplay for you? Just cos its not his bag doesn't mean you have to go without.

All men are not the same so I would not worry. My DH is never hard during foreplay. He can only get me off by usings toys, hands or oral and he is soft throughout. He has to get himself up, he has always been this way. When he has got himself hard I can give him foreplay or get straight to it. My BF is more like a machine. It's like he can switch it on and off at will. He gets hard straight away, and stays that way for however long he wants. I can warm my hands on it lol.

you have a DH and a BF?

Yes we have an open marriage!

Ah- thought it was a typo.

He's not a BF as such, but don't no what else to call him, lover sounds so old fashioned to me!