DH moans A LOT. Can I change him?

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He is getting worse as he gets older. Yesterday he moaned all night about his job, as well as snipits during the day when he phoned me. In general he is fairly content with his job but of course gets the odd bit of stress. Then that is all he focuses on and he goes on and on moaning. He is awful with any illness or ache. For example he has had a cold since last Friday. You would think he was seriously ill the way he has gone on about it, come home and lay on the settee etc. The dc have had the same cold and barely mentioned it.

I am starting to get worried now as I have never met anyone more negative and moany than his mum (my MIL). In fact I have never really seen her happy and she is always ill with something. My SIL's are the same cup half empty types. The bizarre thing is that DH can see they are like that and hates it.

If I get irritated with DH when he is moaning it seems to make it worse, but last night when I made an effort to be sympathetic he still carried on moaning. Am I going to end up married to a miserable man or can I change him?

Have you tried lightly brushing his testicles with mains current?

I was like this. When the piss taking stopped, and the long silences began, I got myself fixed.

You say that his mum is the same way.

Has it occurred to you that he's teaching your DC the same behaviour and attitudes?

We have a similar rule - you can moan once if it's something you can fix, then you fix it (allowed to get support with that) or shut up about it.

If it's unfixable, more sympathy is in order...

No you cannot change anyone

Why would you want to

If you dont like someone, you know what to do !

"Moan-Whinger" is brilliant! Thanks, SylvaniansAE, please ask your aunt for the rest of the verses

My H is like this.
His family are the same.
Not just moany but bitter.
The world owes them something and ungenerous with it.
He wont change as he doesn't 'see' it / want to change.
It is depressing.
It is affecting the kids.
I am looking for a way out.

I LOVE the 'Moan/Whinger' song.

I hate whinging. I am quite firm with my sons. If they whinge I say what can we do about it? If we can't change it we don't moan about it.
That said on Saturday my youngest had a major sulk and moan about something. I managed to resolve the situation but oh no he had to carry on whining about the resolved issue as if I hadn't fixed it!
I guess he felt cheated of his misery. Little shit.

Ouch - wish you had been my MIL.

Honestly, can trace it all back to that source.
When she met me, (after having cancelled the first meeting due to a 'migraine') she spent the entire time telling me how much she had hated HER MIL as she was 'such a hypochondriac').
I then listened to some years of her tales of her migraines (always when something that didn't focus on her was in the offing), 'allergies' (but the choc/egg/ citrus were 'ok' for lemon meringue drizzled with choc sauce) and 'serious eye probs' (but she could drive and do cross stitch).
Funnily enough, when I actually became disabled and had a child with SEN, she stopped telephoning.

iHAVE has good whinge about something she cant fix and resolves to stop moaning

Thanks to Ouch Yonic and Sticky for sensible suggestions as to how to 'handle' it.
And to Sylvanians for making me laugh!

Learn to embrace the moaning,
Use it to enlighten your day,
Think how lucky you are that don't have to cope with everything he has to on a day to day basis.

And has for Flu everyone knows Man Flu is just the worst. It doesn't effect kids the same because they want to do stuff. But if a mans got flu then it's an excuse for them to do nothing and to skip work for a couple of days.

Why would you want to change him? Maybe you could channel his moaning to somewhere productive we did with my Dad, sent him off to council meeting and he can moan to them about any plans they have for the local area.

My Dad put a stop to the council building flats on a public Garden in my home town by reminding the council that the land was given to the council by an old Mayor of the town to the people of the town for use as a public garden. The council had to agree not to sell the land when everyone in the meeting backed my dad.

Long live grumpy old men everywhere.
Sometimes thier the only thing that stand between Morality and someone wanting to make a quick buck

fuzzy - good for your Dad! That does sound like a good use for a 'moany' tendency!

Unfortunately, I have a moaner who doesn't want anything to be improved as then he would have nothing to moan about.

He really is only comfortable in that mindset.

It's horrible and draining and depressing to be around.

Then dump him head out alone and that will give him something else to moan about!

Everyones happy :)