how important is honesty??? Does internet infidelity count?? I think so x

[mpi]

I have to say at the outset that I am in love very much with my husband and want to stay married and be happy. However I really need advice because I am uncertain as to whether I am making the current situation to be different than it actually is. Sometimes it is so difficult to know the truth.
History:

1. I am 52 and was married to my first husband for 25 years, during this period I did not doubt his honesty.
2. I have been married for 2 1/2 years to a man with whom I have been in a relationship with for 5 years
3. Prior to marriage, I discovered 3 periods of my partner going on the internet and contacting women in a sexual manner
4. Because I loved him so much, and was persuaded that this amounted to / meant nothing, I overlooked this / clung onto something I wanted to believe in, and part of me still does
5. This morning he went to work and left his laptop on and it was on FB. I found that he was messaging a woman on FB, when I asked him who she was, his first response was to say that he wasn't on FB at all
6. In order to prove this he showed me his emails, however there was several emails from FB
7. Then he does not disagree that he was on FB but tells me that he didnt know that he was, despite him also admitting that there had been numerous emails from FB advising him of activity
8. He has shown me his activity log which i think he didn't understand what it was, which shows that he connected a woman yesterday, however he tells me that this is incorrect and a mistake by FB

the big thing here is truth, my heart is saying that I love this guy and want to stay with him...however my mind is saying:

1. he has 'cheated' on the internet before.
2. he has lied about this until the facts were such that lying was futile
3. we both know that he is lying now
4. he has turned this around on me and says that I should believe him or I should leave

I really need help, I don't know who to talk to
To say all of this to friends, I guess I know what their response would be, but what would the objective response be??

just re-read your OP and seen that he's told you that you should believe him or leave.

So basically he's said "I'll do what I like, shut up about it or fuck off".

They are your two choices.

When you say that you were "persuaded" that lewd behaviour on the internet meant nothing, do you mean that he persuaded you of that? The same way that he is trying (successfully) to make you feel that you're nasty to ask him to stop?

You are trying to be a nice, non-nosy person and he's using that, playing on your guilt to get away with behaviour that most people would not expect to get away with.

If you want an open, trusting partnership, he's told you that you're with the wrong person. You need to think hard about what you are prepared to put up with. You're trying your hardest to be nice and forgiving, but he's not trying to keep you with him. Maybe because he doesn't think he needs to try? He thinks you'll stick around whatever. Is he right?

You should have left him when he did it before. You need to leave him now. Staying won't make him stop.

Why did you marry this creep? Jeez....you don't happen to be more wealthy than him do you? In your position I would get legal advice ASAP and get the hell out. He's not committed or in love. He can't even be bothered to lie convincingly.

He's telling you he couldn't give a flying flying for how his actions make you feel and you need yo ask for opinions on this

Sweetie he's got you well trained if you can't see how fucked up this is

To put thing into perspective, if my DH or I do something that inadvertently hurts the other, we feel mortified about it because when we hurt each other we feel their pain and it hurts us. That's how it SHOULD be when you love somebody.

^his first response was to say that he wasn't on FB at all

1. In order to prove this he showed me his emails, however there was several emails from FB^

So he's not just a liar, he's a complete idiot too.

You've got a choice here: you can leave, or you can stay. If you stay, you must know that this behaviour will not change. He's made his position perfectly clear on that. So if you decide to stay with him, you're accepting that he's going to carry on these mutual masturbation fests with women online - and you have to consider that he may progress to meeting people in person (if he hasn't already). After all, he's just told you that he has a right to "secrets" and if you don't like it, leave.

I personally might decide to turn a blind eye to this behaviour if the rest of the relationship was good, but the way he's just assumed you're going along with it, and the pure stupidity of his lies, that's a deal-breaker for me. I'd bin him. Sorry.

You should leave the lying cheating git

Good grief.
You must surely realise that you are worth far more than this idiot.
Seriously, he's really is stupid.
Please get out of this and find yourself a respectful man who won't lie and cheap and keep secrets.

Please just re-read your posts. It's a no brainier.
Imagine a friend or family member describing exactly what you are and what would your advice be?
The same as all of us!
There are many people on this thread who are very much against just LTB but even they can see this is awful and you need out!

It means nothing to him cos he's the one going behind your back and has been for years, no idea why you would marry someone who behaves like this, he's never stopped, god knows how far he's gone with other women. Seriously get rid, salvage what self respect you have left and find a man that loves only you, the fact you married him gave him the green light to carry on.

He's also a liar and a self entitled twat who thinks it's find to be a sneaky sleaze getting his rocks off, what a total embarrassment he is.

Wise up OP, it won't change, in fact it will get worse, you might end up with a venereal disease.......

So sorry you are going through this.
Previous posters are right - he has made his priorities clear - he wants to have his secret life chasing other women and it is more important to him than you are.
So you need to decide whether you can live with this or if it is time to move on.