sex after baby-getting silly now

[Whatafunnyninkynonk]

So. DH and I had a pretty alright sex life. Possibly could have done it a bit more but we both worked full time etc. Used to get a bit frustrated with his excuses of tiredness but also sort of got it. When we did do it twas marvellous. Basically very happy with quality over quantity!

Get pregnant and that was it. He refused to touch me, utterly freaked by presence of child and convinced himself it would know what was going on. Idiotic but no point pushing it and frankly I was hardly rippling with desire myself.

Since baby's been born we've done it once and it was a bit forced. Baby is now 11 months old. We're due to go away by ourselves next week and I'm terrified. It's been so long since we've done it regularly that it sort of feels like we're...not allowed to? Like I can't think of him in that way or I'm not supposed to. Fear it's all gone a bit platonic.

All other aspects of our relationship great. I love him very much and still find him attractive I just don't know how to get things going in the bedroom again!

Once in 11 months! And to think I get grumpy if I go more than two days without. I don't know what to say other than good luck when you go away for this weekend.

Sounds like you need to talk to each other

Make sure that you feel as beautifully groomed as you can be. Wear clothes that you would have pre-baby being thought of. Being in a different environment should bring the old you flooding back

I don't mean to frighten you but there are serious issues here. It must be two years since you've been regularly intimate with each other?

I think perhaps your problems might go a bit beyond your pregnancy/new baby situation. You were getting a bit frustrated with his excuse of tiredness... Does that mean you didn't think he was genuinely tired? And how often were you doing it then?

Ninkynonk, I completely understand... I've been wondering the same thing myself! DH and I haven't been intimate for over a year. Our PFB was conceived through IVF (and I lost his twin at 9 weeks) so DH was instructed not to touch me until I was well past first trimester for pregnancy's safety! Now, with a seven-month-old, the very idea if sex just seems... Like you say, not allowed!! It's so weird, isn't it? He loves how I mother LO but doesn't seem to see me in THAT way anymore. I wish I could help you... I wish I knew what to do! Finding time is tough so you're one step ahead going on a baby-free trip... You could always pounce on him but the fear of rejection skyrockets, doesn't it? Are you breastfeeding? That'll do a number on your hormones, too...and not in a helpful way. I wish I could be more constructive. You're not alone in your quandary! Edenxxxx

Is baby BF and still feeding at night? Has af come back? Relatively normal to not have sex during pregnancy and first few months post birth. I found desire went right back to normal once night feeds stopped and af back. Poster up thread saying serious issues is possibly bit ott...having child does disrupt sex life for a while. Good to focus on getting it back though, have great time away!

It does all come back. Had sex 3 times last year, I got sick of it and went about seducing my dh back. Now we're having lots of sex and it's better than it ever was. It is amazing how you can go from boring routine sex to talking to your dh about his big hard cock and telling him to do dirty things to you in a matter of months. It all comes back.

Keep trying and NEVER take it personally when he turns you down. Eventually his sex drive will wake up.

I have been in a similar situation. My husband and I probably had sex only twice after our daughter was born and then on the second shag, when she was only 7 months old, I got blooming pregnant again! I can't say our sex life has ever recovered since first pregnancy. I don't see myself in the same light since motherhood and in addition to that years of broken sleep and a demanding teaching job definitely put a dampener on one's labido. You'll have a wonderful, child-free time. Get some wine, some lube, some tunes on and enjoy!

DH has always had a low need for sex and Our sex life has never recovered from DS, although - and here's the encouraging bit - whenever we go on holiday he's a different man and all about it. Think it's just the change of seen / removal of family pressures. Hope you're the same - have a great trip!

Eden so sorry you went through that tough time, no wonder you wanted to be cautious! And thank you to everyone else, hadn't really totted up the figure but bloody he'll, once in two years is insane! I've recently stopped bf and cycle is starting to go back to normal but bf definitely did odd things to me! And I was on cerazette which was an EVIL choice for me. More hormone rage than pregnancy! And baby doesn't sleep brilliantly, never has. And traumatic birth and time in scbu....so lots going on but time to rectify it! Think the weekend will help and yes I need to talk to him for sure!

Wrt pre-baby sex, I used to get annoyed when he said he was tired because he tends to say that for everything he doesn't want to do. In this case he probably was genuinely tired but it sometimes felt like a bit of an excuse. Definitely worth talking about and I will, because it's not ok to fob me off but with everything else sogreat in our relationship I'm inclined to believe he's just not got a huge libido during the working week rather than anything more sinister.

Thanks for spurring me to action lovely people. The ninkynonk WILL get bonked!

That's the spirit, Ninky!!! You go, girl! And please forgive yourself for taking some extra time to recover from having had a traumatic birth experience and a precious new baby in SCBU... That IS a heck of a lot to contend with; no wonder sex evaporated! I find stress and anxiety (to say nothing of new-mum tiredness) a real mood-killer. Treat yourself to some simple luxuries: Stock up on lovely skin lotion and take stuff you feel GREAT in before you head out on your trip! I wish you every success in your quest... Have a marvellous time with your DH! Edenxxx

Lovely post Eden.

Another point, my dh refuses to have sex while the kids are in the house. Luckily we have time while the kids are at school but I wish I'd known this years ago. I'd have sent them to their gps house on a weekly basis.