what should I do?

[allhallows]

Help. Our former cleaner, who works for a diplomat full time & used to clean for a few hours a week, has just begged me to lend her money to help her pay for chemo for her sick father in the Philippines. She texted me. I've known her for years & really like her & trust her but I don't have much of an income myself. I think I could scrape some money together but it would be a bit tricky, to say the least. I promised her that I would always "be there" for her, even though she no longer works for us, but is this going too far? My conscience is bothering me (today is my birthday & I had a great day). Please help me to do the right thing! thanks

Be truthful and say that you are struggling but perhaps offer to try and raise some money for her father instead? You could do something sponsored for example?
I really don't know, but I would advise that you tell her the truth. She has probably asked lots of people so I'm sure she won't take a refusal personally.

If you haven't got the money you haven't got the money - if she's a friend she'll understand that you can "be there" for her in other ways. Is she in the Philipines herself or does she live near you? If she's near maybe you can invite her round for coffee/meal so she can talk. It's horrible feeling guilty when you can't do anything financially, but if you can't, you can't.

I could raise some money if I really, really had to (like putting off paying some bills for a month or so or selling something or asking for a loan myself) but should I? I told dh about it but he just said "we can't afford it" which is not entirely true (I know he paid a fair bit for my b'day present, which makes me feel very ashamed now).

NO it might sound mean but you don't know what tomorrow might bring for your family and I know it sounds mean but they have to be priority number 1. It's a tricky one but go for the honest approach and just tell her you can't. I wouldn't want a friend to get into financial strife for me.

I certainly wouldn't get yourself into debt because of this! If you could have a car boot sale however and give her the proceeds? Or something similar, but DO NOT take out a loan or put off paying bills! Raise money by all means but don't leave yourself and your family short just before Christmas!

I think it depends how much she's asked for as well as whether you should lend her money anyway.

If you don't have it, you don't have it.

Tell her that and be done w/it.

Helpful, thanks all! One guy I talked to today told me to contact an NGO. Then I thought of this woman's church, which is the english-speaking catholic one in Geneva. She's a regular there so they must know her. I'm going to call the priest tomorrow & see what he says.