How to stop Mother talking about other Grandchildren

[fcurry]

Any tips on stopping my Mother from talking about my sister's children? My sister and I are not close (meet once every five years it seems). My Mother talks constantly about the other Grandchildren who I have nothing to be jealous of but I feel really uncomfortable when my Mother has never done anything to bring the family together. I have tried to say that I am sure my Sister will tell me about her children if she wants me to know about them but my Mother uses her favourite phrase 'It's not a competition' !!!
I feel like I spent Christmas with my Sister's children although it was just two days with my parents. I am going to my parents for two nights at Easter and dreading it. Please help.

I get this with my stepmum, and I have no advice I'm afraid. I've never said anything but look obviously bored. I would try different strategies like fake yawning, wandering off to the loo or make tea whenever she starts up again. I might try that myself. If she says 'it's not a competition' tell her it's just a bit boring. Its really shit and makes me not want to visit DF.
Could you tell her about all the lovely presents your mil gives you, and how good she is with kids etc?

I'm sure your mum is just making conversation and keeping you updated. Yes?

If she was talking about steam trains would you be on here asking the same thing?

I am just offering you a different perspective. Unless she is doing it to deliberately upset you then IMO I don't see why you get so upset at hearing about other children.

Could you be jealous? And I mean that kindly

I'm not sure I quite understand.

You say you aren't close to your sister, but have you actually fallen out? My mother talks endlessly about other members of the family too - it's quite an obvious topic of conversation. Especially if she is sad that her children aren't seeing one another.

There sounds like there is more to this.

My parents do this. They see my sisters kids daily, mine every few months.
I challenged my mum by pointing out that it's demoralising for kids to always be compared to their cousins. I don't think she realised how much they do it tbh.

Have you also considered why you and your sister (younger/elder?) are not close. This may well be your parents doing.

Does your mother speak incessently of your sister's children at the expense of your own; does she show a lot of favouritism towards them?. Did she talk up your sister at your expense when you were growing up because you were seen by mum as the capable one?.

If you really do have to stay with your parents over the Easter break I would use hotel accommodation. You still have a choice; you do not have to see them. Blood family are not binding.

Most parents do. It's quite normal.
I see my sis every five years or so, but when I am with my parents, we always talk about her and her family. I have very little else in common with my parents, so it's pretty much the only topic of conversation we are both linked to.

If I made a bit of an effort, I could probably come up with new topics and bore THEM rigid, I suppose. Bit pointless to hang this on your mother. She's probably hoping that at some point you guys are going to be one big happy family. (Or does she already think this? And you haven't actually told her that everything to do with your sister makes you crazy?)

The issue here is between you and your sister, not between you and your mother's choice of conversation material. So either suck it up and Chang the topic of conversation yourself, or also estrange yourself from your mother because you are apathetic about your sister.

It's not an end of the world scenario, is it? It's just a bit boring. Parents are like this. You will be too, I expect. Just remember never to speak of one child to the other when they are adults. See how stupid that is?

This is so funny, my first time on Mumsnet out of desperation! What lovely ladies you all are! Of course jealously is natural between siblings but I really do get frustrated at so much information about people I don't know or see. If it were a neighbour I would be just as bored but because it's my sister who os the topic, I am unable to say anything! My mother is not bothered that we are not close as her life is full and she is in the centre!!! I am not bothered either but I will try harder to find other subjects to talk about and perhaps it will make the sister's kids update more bareable! Thank you so much for all the tips and sympathy, I feel definitely lifted and ready to go! best wishes to you all.