Dating someone but found out about racist past.

[Startingtodate]

I met a girl after coming out recently. I really like her, we talk everyday and get along well. Last night I was scrolling through her facebook timeline to try and find a drawing she was telling me about. I scrolled too far and a certain status caught my eye which mentioned how every time she was on her commute to work she would see Somalians everywhere and that if they are in the UK they should speak english. This obviously lead me to do a bit more digging and saw that she also posted a status which included the word 'Paki'. She wrote these a few years ago when she was 19/20. I hate racism, really makes my blood boil and was shocked to see this sort of thing coming from her, she didn't seem the type.

I told my friend, saying I'd cancel my date with her this weekend. He thinks it was a while ago and maybe she's changed. What do you think? How the hell do I even go about finding out? How would you bring this sort of thing up in conversation to see someones honest stance on these things?

I think it's probably fair to say that an awful lot of people in their late teens/early 20s would look back and regret hugely some of the things they said and did. They may be with the wrong crowd, have been brought up badly, whatever. They can, and some do, change.

Happens less likely the older people are.

Has to be a personal choice thing. Most of us have at least one skeleton in our closet that a potential partner may not like about us. But if it's something in the past and they've changed...

Ask her. If she is at all defensive about it, she hasn't changed.

Ill be honest I'm not sure people change that much , and I'd worry about that.

Last year I chatted to a man , who accused a friend of being gay, I hit roof .
Now admitted last year in the spring I even said I thought my friend might be gay but it wouldn't change my feelings for him.

What I'm trying to say , sometimes these things are in built , family attitudes passed down.

My nan was racist in away and I can understand in away she lived in a town that was totally white but over years it wasn't if that make sense.

It's a difficult situation but maybe give it a bit longer to suss it out x

I'd agree with poster above, people do change. Talk to her and get an idea of what she feels now, if you believe she has changed suggest she edits her old posts, you know, in case a new partner employer gets the wrong idea.

I'd give her a chance tbh but keep an ear out. if you're interested in politics at all, currently it's easy enough to determine someone's stance on race issues.

Fwiw I know someone who came out with the most shockingly racist statements, but when he moved to this country he realised the error of his ways. He most definitely would be embarrassed to recall the things he said then.

Start a discussion about UKIP - that should reveal her true feelings!

People can be awful idiots in that late teens period so it's possible she has changed. However if she's still got those attitudes, I would definitely dump!

I'm afraid it'd be a dealbreaker for me.

To me the fact she posted those things on a public forum like FB means she's pretty confident in her views and doesn't feel any shame around them. Personally I wouldn't see her again but that's just me. I don't think 20 is that young either. Maybe do start a conversation about UKIP ( or Jeremy Clarkson!), you'll soon find out her real views. Deal breaker for me tho.

I think people and opinions can change.

The question is, has she? You'll need to discuss general issues to find out and don't let on youd spotted her old posts.

Hard to say these days. Its complex.

With your specific cases, the person I know most who really has uncontrollable rages about Somalians being 'scum of the world' is a (black) Nigerian.

Another friend is so anti-Paki (her words) you'd think she was Alf Garnett. But she's half-Pakistani and is well aware of the 'issues' with the Pakistani community.

Neither are racist in the sense of 'white better than black' Both have rational views of their specific views.

'rational reasons for their opinions'

Ask her. She was/is very young so I would give her a chance to explain.

But if it offends you that much then end it, but if she said it 3 years ago and hasn't posted anything racist since...well I wouldn't end it.

Definitely ask. Someone who grows up surrounded by racists may well absorb racist attitudes up to the point when s/he meets a wider range of people and learns more sense. I don't think it's fair to condemn someone for a mistake or wrong opinion s/he previously held if s/he has changed and clearly understands the error of the former way of thinking.

And for those who think people can't change, tell that to the addicts and ex hangmenmbers who go round our schools trying to educate our kids so they don't make the same mistakes. People can an go change!

*can and do change!

Give her a chance to explain herself. You may not like the answer but you can't be fairer than that & if you don't like her explanation you can walk away in good conscience.