Husband attempted suicide, where do I get help?

[everonwardsagain]

Does anybody please know where I can get advice on how to get through this and most importantly what my role should be? My husband and I separated over Christmas but he only just moved out. Marriage problems mainly caused by his ongoing mental health (which I now see) which just destroyed us over time. I do love him but I couldn't stand back and watch the damage he was causing to our children, even tho I know at heart he's a good person. It was a genuine attempt. Past week has been horrendous. He needs me and I have such a strong urge to be there in whatever way to keep him alive. But I can't take him back, he needs to get well and I need to protect our children. I have printed some leaflets from MIND and got a number for Sane Line. His crisis team are only really just getting to grips with him. Where can I turn? Thanks for any advice x

He has a best friend so leave it to the best friend. You have the dc and a job to focus on.

He has to go seek help and hammer on gp door as he is an adult and you can't do this for him.

everonwards (hug) so sorry to hear about this. My dh also made a serious attempt recently and I understand how awful it is. Is he in a psych ward now? You can ask to meet/speak with his psych to input your thoughts on him and his stage of mind if you like. You can also write to his psych if you're worried about how he'll cope when discharged - and also clarify your limited support. Letters go onto his file and have an impact.

When he's discharged he'll be under the care of the local community mental health team.

But over all of this, it's a very traumatic and stressful time for you as mum and partner albeit separated. If you haven't already, make an appt with your Gp so they're aware of your situation and can keep an eye on your own mental health which is vulnerable in such situations. I did this and add a result also have the support of the local comm mental health team and gp. There are also charities who support carers. Can you confide in a couple of close friends?

I can well imagine you want to help look after him. One way you can do that is to advocate for good support for him (invaluable). But it's also really important to take care of yourself so you can be mum.

People like Sane and Samaritans are also v good.

Take care and wishing you and your family all the best.

Thank you so much for the words of comfort, advice and support. I am so sorry that there are a few of us in this awful position.

Just to clarify, it was absolutely a genuine attempt, he is extremely lucky to be alive. I won't go into details on here but the method he chose and the way he went about it was in no way attention seeking and this is the professionals view also, he didn't tell anyone and there was no cry for help, hence the reason he was admitted and on red alert for some time. I should have been clearer, this was back in March but I resurrected the thread as I still need advice and support. His best friend has been brilliant with him but he too has a wife, family, job and is doing his best but finding it hard. The psych team were brilliant in the early days but now that he is having his weekly counselling and medication checks monthly they just don't want to know and won't speak to me. He isn't in a mentally strong enough position to go and bang on doors and insist on more support, he is very ill. That is where I feel I have to support him, I am still his wife and he is all over the place and unable to do rational things for himself. His mum is just a mess and unable to help. I don't believe he is trying to control anybody, his state of mind is way too muddled for that (in my opinion).

I've read a little bit on here about limerance which is interesting, he has gone from not seeming to give a toss about me when we were together, for many years, which I put up with as I desperately wanted to keep my family together, to being absolutely infatuated with my every move. I can't see the posts on page 1 to reply more specifically (and I have horrendous short term memory problems at the moment!!) but thank you for the support. I am going to get myself to the doctors this week and see what is out there for me as I am worried I am going to go under soon and my beautiful children need me to not do that! I will try the suggested support services on Monday.

I massively struggle with guilt at the moment as I feel I should want him back as this is an illness and my marriage vows were in sickness and in health. However, I have had way too many years of a dysfunctional marriage and the ill effects it has had on my children and I just can't go back there. He had opportunities to help himself when he was stronger and he didn't take them. I dragged him to the doctors and got nowhere. He treated me badly for a long time. Surely, when he is well enough, he has to accept responsibility for choosing not to address his issues over a long period of time and for the damage this then caused? I wish I could find a switch and make myself be madly in love with him but I just can't, I am too affected by it all and I know in my heart I cannot go back and ever have the kind of relationship that I would need to have, I feel too much like his carer.

Big hugs to those going through similar and thanks to all for taking the time to reply x

www.youngminds.org.uk/for_parents?gclid=CPDk1ueV1cYCFTDLtAodxOIMSQ

great organisation who should be helpful for you

Thanks Julia, my middle child has many issues and has had help from CAMHS in the past. He's holding it together really well but good to know there are places out there for him that I can read up on.

The Sane line looks like it will be really helpful - I wanted to ring it tonight but couldn't as it had closed before I could get husband off the phone! Definitely going to seek professional help this week, I can't keep this role up.