Any advice on how to leave P please?

[Foirfe]

I'm in Scotland, unmarried and renting council flat with P. We have an 8 month old DD. I work p/t 14 hours per week and P has DD while I work. He works f/t.

Relationship was fine pre pregnancy, DD was accidental. During my pregnancy P became unloving towards me, my self esteem took a battering. DD and I were in hospital for a couple of weeks after her birth due to complications. Once back home at the start P was brilliant with DD, after he returned to work it was back to square one.

I had to go back to work really early as we were struggling for money whereas he was coming home from work early most days because he's "exhausted". I put DD to bed, do all night wakings, get up with her, look after her all day and then go to work in the evening.

I'm constantly made to feel as though I should be incredibly grateful any time P tidies, has DD or works etc. yet everything I do is unnoticed. For example he cleaned a bottle, came through and told me and then stood over me for a while. Eventually I asked if he was wanting a thankyou to which he said yes. Yet he never thanks me for anything I do. I feel under appreciated. I feel as though he thinks he's doing me a massive favour by being around. He shows me no affection unless he wants to have sex, funnily enough I don't feel like it the majority of the time.

If he says something nasty to me it's my fault for taking it the wrong way or twisting his words. He plays the victim regardless of what started the disagreement.

I know this probably doesn't sound like much but I've had enough. I'm still young I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling so fucking miserable all the time.

I don't have family or friends I could stay with and I'm not sure how to leave. I can't afford it.

Having a baby is hard but it is no excuse for bullying and controlling behaviour, and what you've described is emotional abuse to me - whatever you want to call it, it's not good.

Can you increase your hours to 16? If so and depending on your wage, you could be entitled to quite a lot of help as a single parent. Tax credits, working tax credits and up to 70% of your childcare costs met. (I am assuming that tax credits are the same in Scotland as they are here, but see below re: One Parent Families Scotland who can advise you.

And then also, possibly housing benefit - not based on 16 hours work but your overall income etc.

Is the child benefit in your name? Keep that too.

This organisation is the equivalent of Gingerbread in England and Wales. Gingerbread were so helpful to me when I was planning how to leave when my DD was not quite two. Give them a call to talk through your situation and they will give you solid advice on your options, especially what you are entitled to. I broke up with ex and then claimed tax credits from the day we split even though we were in the same house, because they had to accept we had split and I was taking steps to leave (which I did two months later.)

www.opfs.org.uk/

Since you are already in a council flat, you could talk to them about needing to leave due to your distressing situation and relationship breakdown. I don't know what their rules are but drop in for a chat with a worker at the council about your options perhaps?

You can go. He's the dad so you'll have to work out shared custody or contact, between you if you can, or with a mediator - but you don't have to live with this.