Out of the mouth of children

[MrsPear]

I know my marriage is shite. I know i should end it and i am working on it. But i never realised until yesterday it was affecting my children. So walking home from school and chatting when ds1 turns to me and asks "why does daddy shout at you?" all i could mumble is i don't know he then follows up by saying it is very unkind and he doesn't want him to be his daddy; he would prefer grand dad. I was floored. He is only five. I didn't even think he had the verbal skill - he is diagnosed as speech delay, yet what he said was mature. I am posting because i can't say in RL yet i need to accept he has said it. I really need to stop myself sinking, give myself a shake and move on for all of us. I also need to find courage. Oh help.

I'm sorry, it must have been a real shock for you

By Grandad, does he mean your dad? Or on his dad's side? I'm just thinking if you have supportive parents it would really help when you feel ready to move on.

Thanks for really reply. He must have meant my dad as he always refers h's using the Albanian. I couldn't even think of telling my parents of what happens behind closed doors. I would be beyond embarrassed. In my head i going to to go for divorce on the grounds of breakdown of marriage so i don't have to discuss it publicly . But i need courage, confidence and a job.

Don't be embarrassed , you have absolutely no reason to be. Marriages and relationships break down every day the world over.

You know how much you love your son? That's how your parents feel about you. Go to them!

I've been in your shoes and once you make the decision it gets easier I promise x

The vast majority of decent people will sympathise and assume that it must have been pretty shit for you to break up your marriage. They won't judge but will try to be of help if you let them. We all need support from others sometimes and it sounds like you're really not getting it at home

Do not be embarrassed.Whenever I hear someone I know is divorcing, my first reaction is always 'how awful. I wonder how long they've been dragging this burden around with them' because i know divorce often comes after a long period of unhappiness. I would never judge or think less of you if i knew you.

Your family want to see you happy and to have a happy grandson.

AH i have never been in your position but it sounds like you handled it well. Children come out with all sorts of things he obviously loves his mummy very much to ask.