Feeling very anxious - will not be able to live in the same house as h if we go through a divorce

[notthisagain1]

I have another thread going about what has been happening to me:here it is.

I feel absolutely awful, am able to accomplish very little and don't think I will be able to live in the same house as h if we get divorced.

So what happens if you do move out (with the dc)? Not that that would be easy either. Feel like I am in an impossible situation that I do not have the strength to deal with and that dying might be a way out of it (don't intend to do this in any way shape or form but feel very stuck).

It does not help that I think I am co-dependent with h.

Help.

Just bumping unashamedly. Feeling absolutely dreadful. H doesn't seem to be the person I thought he was. He is blanking me completely. What is he expecting will happen, that we live like this forever?

I am in hell. Any suggestions gratefully received.

So sorry you're going through this. I don't have any specific advice on the legal side of things, but can you contact a couple of solicitors today and make appointments for an initial chat? Lots of solicitors will give you a half hour/hour free first appointment. You will then have a better idea of what the possible housing arrangements could be.

Thank you.

I know I should be doing that. The problem is ythat I don't want this to be happening. I want us to stay together as a family and h to be nice .

Feel devastated.

Please don't harm yourself. There are many, many things you need to sort out and untangle now, and at times it will feel overwhelming, but you WILL get through it.

Ask for specific, targetted help from the people who can provide it. This is the best way for you to tackle all those things that need tackling.

Regarding your question on housing, you therefore should turn to someone for legal advice: a solicitor specialising in family law.

Yes, you probably are co-dependent, and the process you have started mean you will be discovering a lot of stuff about yourself. That's fine and normal. You don't need to solve your co-dependence this very second, that will only come with time. Whenever you can, you should also therefore turn to a therapist for help.

But you don't need to do it all, all at once. Bit sized chunks. Bit by bit. Get all the help you can call in. You can do it.

x

Don't be scared..everything will be ok. You will get through it. I am dealing with the fact that my happy family dream will not be playing out as I hoped too. It's horrible, I know. But I feel lonely in my marriage and would rather be lonely alone. Def seek a therapist to help you.

Good luck...x

Thank you for your kind messages. Have gone away for 3 or 4 days leaving dc with h which feels weird as I have never not been there during a school week.

Have space to consider what to do next and how. Have been reading a lot about narcissism and the silent treatment which fits h to a tee, and this is oddly making me feel better because what is happening is NOT ABOUT ME and NOT MY FAULT!

The thought that I don't have to deal with everything all at once and especially my codependence, is also making me feel better.

Good luck to all of you too .