Being a lone adult

[notakiltwearer]

Not expecting to make much sense and don't want to share too many details.

I am a single parent and have been for 11 years. My family have never been supported so very recently I went NC with all but dad who I am having limited contact with. My relationship with him is very negative - he's rude, critical and disinterested in me. The rest of my family are yet to notice that I am NC with them (3 months later).

DS has special needs and as a result I am relatively isolated. No contact with his dad or his dads family.

Desperately want to feel loved, cared for and important to someone. I go through stages of it which I have always managed by goal setting and doing the best with the time I have at school. Very simply the situation is not going to change and I need more than meeting friends for breakfast or lunch, dog walks and coffee. I am studying which is a good thing.

I feel trapped and need to learn to accept that this is life and that I am very unlikely to have more children or a relationship.

Didn't want to read and run...
Am lone parent too. Think the turning point for me was the day I suddenly realised that the person who had taken the best care of me over the years was myself. Was like a light went off in my head! Now I live happily with my dc in a house that is just how I want it, drive the car I chose, eat what I want, watch what I want and enjoy the happiness and tranquility of my home life. No angst, no conflict. Bliss!

I think you need to remember that the image of a man caring for his partner like you describe comes more from films and novels than real life relationships. The reality is a lot less about cuddles and a lot more about laundry, sweaty pillows, smelly bathrooms and compromise!

Chin up!

Hello notakiltwearer- You make absolute sense. I'm in a similar position, although my children are grown up now. Their Dad died 15 years ago and although I had a 7 year relationship in between then and now, it came to an end and now I'm on my own again. I have a very poor relationship with my parents as well. They have been supportive after a fashion, but it's a stressful relationship as there is a long family history of hurtfulness.

It's totally reasonable to want to be with someone. I find it hard too and that I cry a little bit every morning, then get on with the day. I'm trying the same as you - to accept that this is how it is and this is how it will be. Some days are easier than others.

My thought for myself is that I have to focus on building a life for myself - and it sounds as though you are beginning that by studying. Is it at home studying or do you go to college? At some point the life that I build for myself will eclipse the longings that I currently feel. And this life will bring with it opportunities that I can't currently see - it's just a longer path to follow than those who got off to a steadier start.