My DH has been estranged from his mother for many years. I have asked many times the source of the rift and never received a satisfactory answer, just along the lines that she was very manipulative and wanted to force him to stay in his home town in Ireland - when he wanted to go to Uni in the UK, which he did, and then moved to London where he has been ever since.
Their relationship has not totally broken down but is minimal, just one visit staying with her a year, plus Mothers Day Cards, birthday cards, the odd letter (she is deaf so cannot talk on the phone). He is now 61 and retired, she is in her late eighties and it looks as though the end is near.
I have never been happy with the situation as I think it is tremendously sad for both of them, but I have never interfered. I have always made clear I will support him in his relations with family. It is not fun going over there, for various reasons but I have always done it with him.
At Christmas, we went to Ireland and a big row blew up between DH and brother-in-law, who is insufferable but DH went well over the top, and called him a stupid little sH**. I was shocked and very upset at DH's behaviour, which seemed to come out of nowhere.
This weekend DH said he is asking my permission never to see his mother or family again, out of the blue. I said it is not up to me to give permission, he must do what he thinks is right, but that I think it is absolutely shocking behaviour to sever even the minimal contact he has with her. I told him flatly I cannot approve of what he is proposing, and I don't think he could find anyone who would think this is an acceptable way for a son to treat his mother. I asked whether there was abuse or maltreatment in his childhood and he just yelled 'why does everyone ask me that?'
He became screamingly angry with me and began accusing me of being disloyal. He said he no longer wants me to accompany him on visits to his mother in Ireland and that when he does go and see her he will fly out in the morning and back in the afternoon. (I did note this contradicts his saying he did not want to see her again ever)
I have a very good relationship with my own mother and cannot imagine what is going on here. I am having a hard time understanding what is happening here. So now for the past 2 days he is hardly speaking to me and I am wondering WTF.....This may be a total one off but any thoughts appreciated....thank you
PS we've been married 20 years. I thought DH's relationship with MiL was pretty bad, but not this bad.....