Can't get over his 'affairs'

[mothertruckers]

Through the latter part of last year I had a feeling something was amiss, but couldn't quite put my finger on what. When I confronted DH each time he would turn the tables, I was paranoid, he was getting sick of hearing it etc etc. Move forward to January when I uncover the huge level of deceit and betrayal on his part - messaging women upon women and meet ups, one clearly involving sex as recent as November, a few hinting they'd got together a few years before but 'it's been too long' kind of thing.
Unsurprisingly I threw him out but being the t*at that he is, he didnt stay away and came back to claim rights on his share (joint house, 2DDs).
Weeks and weeks of begging ensue and towards the beginning of this month I'm so worn down with it all I retreat. I can see now that had he done the right thing and actually moved out rather than hoping I gave in, we might have actually stood a chance.
This weekend however I have seen how stupid I have been. Gone is the sorry act and he's now unrepentant as 'look how you've been all this time' and similar phrases.
Not sure why I'm posting really, I know that I have been a prize fool in even giving him the time of day but when children are involved things sometimes aren't always black and white. But now I can see past the crap and see him for what he really is. Onwards and upwards eh.

Oh dear :( I'm sorry, he sounds an utter shit. Don't blame yourself for giving in, it's very hard to keep strong in the face of all those begs and promises. Plus I think we are all expected to "give him a second chance - for the kids" no matter how much of a shit he's been.

Now you know the score and you sound strong enough to kick him out and keep him out. Good luck

Thank you pocket, you put it perfectly.

Well done OP, you are doing the right thing. Maybe having him back has helped you in an odd way, you won't be in two minds again, you know you've made yourself really sure he's vile.
What a foolish man, what a lucky escape for you. Good luck x x

you deserve better. You have taken him back and he hasn't changed.
Focus on yourself and what makes you happy :)

The trouble is, you are a sweet-natured person dealing with a rampant twat. So you keep thinking that you've maybe been unreasonable, or that he could be nice... while he plays the situation in an utterly selfish way, and then turns on you when he doesn't get what he wants.

I have been there, made that mistake. My exP was exactly like it. He'd be nice for a bit, and would then turn. He's still the same. I've committed on Facebook to join a mutual friend on a sponsored run because she just got diagnosed with MS and is feeling really down. He barged into the thread, gave her a ton of advice on 'how to go to the gym' (having been, like, three times himself). Then when I said 'How about you help out and do a sponsored gym session on her behalf?' he said 'Oh, I don't like asking people for money'. Which made her feel like she had to write a big spiel about how she didn't like asking people to fund MS charities to potentially save her life in the long run. BASTARD!

Just keep repeating to yourself: 'Once a twat, always a twat'. Seal yourself off from him, and refuse - absolutely refuse - to feel guilty about anything you do.

Thank you for your replies. I have woken this morning feeling more optimistic than I have in a while. For the past weeks I have constantly asked myself what I am doing, have I no self respect and put all the thoughts to the back of my mind. If the prize at the end would have been a repentant and amazing husband then I think I could have got through it, but having glimpses of how life looks to be in the future with him, there is no prize and the only person suffering is me. I'm 39 and desperately unhappy and only I can sort that out. So thank you, all words of support are strengthening.