How would you react to this?

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Dh is friends with a colleague an his wife. Dh quite obviously really likes the wife not in a healthy for our marriage way, he gets very defensive of her if I say anything in conversation about her, really innocent conversation on my part turn into me having a horrible gut wrenching feeling that this turning into more than a friendship. (he has done this before) we have had I cant carry on like this conversation, he then says he wont do it again. But he does again and again. Have tried to get him to read the shirly book cant remember title but the one about building good relationship. He read bits of it, but not interested in finishing it..and apparently is behaving now! He didn't understand why I was so upset when he said "he is behaving now" he so isn't behaving! Was also interesting comment as he has denied so much in the past. Messed with my head.

One example of this is I just mentioned that they-his friends where out drinking again, they drink quite a bit. He sniped at me that they are allowed and are cutting down. Another one about her being on a diet an cooking everything from scratch, why don't I do that? I already do! Even DCs intervened and told him "mum already does that" There has been several incidents of work parties where dh and her have taken photos of each other doing silly things, like touching tongues etc, really cringe worthy photos, very inappropriate with someone else's wife. This Was very embarrassing for me an really disrespectful to me, I was sat next to them.
Comments made to me at the time by other people that they don't know how I put up with it. He ruined another nice evening out.

Spoke to dh about as already a elephant in the room as he has history of building inappropriate relationships with people. Another incidents was him asking if they could visit like a 5 year old he came running out to me as I was in the car at the time. Really odd.
I'm just so tired of all this, I just want someone who loves me and not someone who wants a housekeeper whilst he finds his latest thrill. He really seems to get off on these relationships. I know the answer to this I need to remove myself from this as I'm so unhappy right now. However I don't see why I should have to start a new life when I have done nothing wrong. I have put up with his nonsense for such a long time.
I don't know what Im asking from you wise mners really I just need to vent as no one in rl who I can speak to. Just don't think I have the energy to speak to him again about this, there is no point, he doesn't want to change does he? Apologies if this too long an boring. And I hope you read this dh (he has searched for me on MN before). I'm so tired.

Your husband is a self absorbed selfish cunt. Let's hope he reads that shall we.

You know what to do. Go see a solicitor and find out your rights.

Don't waste any more of your life with this disrespectful, egotistical asshole.

I would be horrified at the behaviour at work parties, where they took photos of each other doing 'silly things'. They sound like a pair of 8 years olds. Very disrespectful indeed, you must have been cringeing sitting next to them.

I recognise the feeling you have of being exhausted by it all. It sounds like a miserable relationship, where he seems to always take someone else's side rather than yours. Relationships do need work but they shouldn't require constant hard slog with zero reward. I'm not surprised you're so very tired.

You say you know the answer to this - its just a case of taking the next step. Sadly, it sounds like he has no respect for you. You can do much better than this. You deserve better than this.

How would I react?
I'd pack his stuff up and put it outside in the garden.
Text him to tell him to stay at his wonderful friends house as you don't want him back in your house.
I'd go and see a solicitor to see how things would be financially for me and the kids.
Then I'd get to the GP and get referred for counselling to find out why I'm so willing to put up with this shit!
Seriously. You know what to do. So do it.
It's a terrible example you are setting your kids for future relationships.
Take back control of your life and get him out of it!

Yes! All of the above. You will be so much happier without him and you deserve a chance to be with someone who loves and respects 'you'!

God he sounds tiresome. I get what you're saying about "why should I have to change my life" - unfortunately life isn't fair, and you've been landed with a non-starter of a husband. So you'll have to make the changes, in order to build a new life for yourself and DCs, and if you choose to, someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve as a human being (let alone as a wife and mother.)

I'd be interested to hear what his colleague thinks about all this. Does he egg them on? Maybe he's into hot-wife/cuckolding kink.

Fucking hell OP, bin him off. How dare he!

Out of interest what was your reaction when he was playing "tongue touch" at the party?

I'd have left my DH there and then if he embarrassed both himself and me in that way.

I suspect you have become desensitised to just how inappropriate his behaviour is. As your reactions are muted his behaviour escalates as there are no consequences.

I just laughed out of embarrassment really as the couple sitting opposite who are very straight laced anyway where clearly uncomfortable about it, they left the table as soon as meal finished. I should of left, I was at quite a low ebb anyway as he always seems to be doing something. I lack confidence in my own judgement as my head has been totally messed with by him. I know I need to grow some balls! Ur right he has had no consequences to anything he has done.

I think the first reply sums it up all really. But I think you know this already. The longer it goes on the more your confidence will be worn away until you'll just let him do was he pleases.
Does this woman's husband not mind their behaviour?

I don't know, he seems a really nice man. I have wondered that myself. Neither of us should be putting up with this.

"Starting again" as you put it, sounds like a much better option than staying with him tbh.

I'm quite a flirty person but when I read the touching tongues bit I was shocked and grossed out tbh. Being playful and flirty does not get to that level in a serious relationship. And as someone of that nature I also feel you should be like that with your partner too otherwise it's peculiar.

I doubt this is a habit that will change and you are worth more.

Shocking disrespectful behaviour! As pp have said leave him. He sounds an immature selfish twat.

So to echo your post, he's done this again and again and people ask you why you put up with it...

Why do you?

You say you don't want to start again but to me, starting again sounds like a massively positive step? An exciting thing? A life free of this nonsense? What's not to like about that?

I wonder if it's the divorce paperwork/agreements that you're nervous of, but it's not as if you'll need to move out of the home necessarily etc. You'll go through the proper channels to get to the right solution.

Would you have a quiet word with the husband then if the opportunity arose? In the vain of dh has done this before etc, and how uncomfortable this made me feel, you must of been too, and did you speak to your wife about it? Or am I just causing more grief for myself.

Just ignore my last post, they are not my problem are they? I can't believe how low I am stooping. Dh is the problem my problem unfortunately.

He's only your problem for as long as your married to him.

Fortunately that's a very fixable issue.

You're right, they aren't your problem. You need to realise that you do have a choice in how you let yourself be treated. Sit him down somewhere with no distractions i.e. out of the house and away from the DC and tell him that you have had enough.

Tell him that you are not prepared to put up with it and if it doesn't end now that you will take take legal advice about separating. If you don't want to give him another chance tell him its over.

I don't see why you have to be the one who is upset and anxious when he doesn't even listen to your concerns. It sounds like even your DC have the measure of him.

Women's Aid provided invaluable support to me when I left my EXH a long time ago.

You only have one life and it really does not need to be so miserable.

I was going to ask what's your relationship like in other areas, but actually that's irrelevant. This is so over arching. It's disrespectful, undermining, tedious, devalues you as a partner, and has affected how you feel about him.

No doubt he's Fun Time Freddy to his friends and colleagues, having to get home to the old Ball and Chain. Well, do him a favour, give him his freedom to play tongue tickling whenever he likes. Sorry you find yourself in this position.

I've put up with his behaviour because I loved him and keep hoping that one day he will change. He has had so many chances, I know now that he's never going to change. I know I've been such a mug.

I'd tell him to fuck off and then fuck some more.

You can start again now, or you can waste some more time with this complete arsewipe and start again after a few more miserable years.

Just remember, no one ever came back on here to say they regretted leaving their useless husband. They sometimes come back and say it was the best decision they ever made and a weight has lifted and the fog has cleared and they're free and happy. That they can start the rest of their life. That they're answerable to no one. That they can eat toast in bed and no one moans. That they can watch what they like on the tele and go to bed when they like. You get the idea. Good luck in getting rid of the emotional baggage and beginning the rest of your life.

Getting rid of this awful man will feel like coming out of prison OP. Your exhaustion will lift and you will be so much happier. You know that he will never change. Take care of yourself x

You are not a mug. You are a woman who loves her husband and keeps hoping that he will change and who expects people to behave as she would. And who has had her self esteem eroded by this egotistical bastard

But you have now reached rock bottom and know in your heart of hearts what you have to do.

What disgusting behaviour. From your descriptions of him doing this sort of thing before, it is obvious that if it wasn't this particular woman, then it would be another. Keep that in mind when you are thinking that you don't want to start again. Once this little 'relationship' has grown cold and stale, or the woman's DH has put a stop to it, your H will be off to find the next woman to play with. Staying with him will only prolong this pain and lack of self-esteem you are feeling.