Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My friend is choosing to stay with her abusive, controlling, manipulative boyfriend

1 reply

maggiethemagpie · 24/03/2015 09:49

My friend has been seeing a guy for four months. It got very intense very quickly, within weeks he was saying he loved her and that she'd 'saved' him. He'd been single for a long time before that (10 years) and his life was bit of a mess by all accounts.
They have spent most of their time together, she stays at his flat most nights although does rent a room elsewhere.
I live in a different city but go to stay with her every few months. I have just returned from a weekend away. We were due to go to another friend's party for the night and then the next day I was going to go back home. He didn't come so it was just a bit of a girl's thing. It was a big party in a house, and the next day our host asked if we wanted to stay on and we said yes.
He then began to show his controlling side, he called the host to say he was worried about her, when it became apparent she was not coming back he started sending nasty messages saying he was bored and he'd had a bad day, and she needed to come back as he was lonely and miserable.
She then admitted that he'd become very controlling, and would shout at her frequently whenever she didn't do what he wanted. She said he'd tell her she was stupid, crazy and mixed up and it seems like she is beginning to believe this as she asked us if she is.
She won't do anything for fear of upsetting him. It gets worse. Despite the fact that she has her own room to rent he is getting her to give him money towards his mortgage- £200 last year - as he is in arrears due to being too lazy to get a job. He does have a temporary job now but only because she did all the job applications for him and all the effort and he only literally turned up to the interview. However he has been off a lot so may lose it soon. She is worried he will lose his house so is giving him her money.
She also cleans his flat which is super-messy yet he only allows her to put her things in a little box in the corner of the room even though she stays there a lot. He won't let her go anywhere on her own, he has to drive her. She got her hair highlighted recently and he said he didn't like it as it should be brown. He doesn't like her wearing makeup so she does it really quickly before she leaves for work in the morning.
Gonna do this in two parts as it's so long!

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 24/03/2015 10:00

Hi Maggie, it might be better to pull both threads and try again with one (doesn't matter how long the post is) as otherwise it will get a bit chaotic.

Anyway, yes, this sounds a pretty abusive relationship. Unfortunately, your friend will have to make her own mind up to get rid: at the moment some aspect of it is working for her or was at the start.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page