Jealous and bitter

[Hymencowell]

I am struggling with a really annoying issue; I am immensely jealous of everyone around me, I hate feeling this way it's horrible and shallow and I need it to stop.

Me and my partner have had some shit luck the past couple of years a manner of things have gone wrong and we always seem to be struggling. What's worse is it seems everyone in my circle is doing so well buying new cars, new houses and extravagant things and are always out enjoying life while I'm stuck here not going anywhere with nothing exciting happening at all.. Sometimes it's like it's rubbed in my face.. Am I a really bad person? I sometimes even resent my partner because he's not as successful as my friends and family's partners
:( I AM A BITCH

You're definitely not a bitch- it's easy to be pleased for other people when your own life is going well.....

At least you recognise that you are jealous - some people don't realise that they are jealous. So that's a start to dealing with your unhappiness.

Your circle might not be as happy as they seem - you don't know what it's like to be them - their cars and stuff are visible, but their fears, relationship issues, rubbish sex lives, whatever aren't. Try to enjoy the things you do have and notice the smaller things around you - look at the spring flowers, breathe in the cool morning air etc (seriously this hippy-type stuff helps and it's totally free)

Nothing stays the same - we're all on the same path ultimately.... You are in charge of how you feel - try to get into the habit of looking at your jealousy objectively and you might find it disappears. Your perception of your life and each moment of your life is what determines how happy or free from anguish you are IYSWIM.

Perhaps consider meditation classes?

Of course you're not a bitch. When you're struggling it hits home hard when others who are faring better seem to have it all. I have a couple of friends who until four or five years ago had it all. A house, good jobs, two cars and even three different motorbikes for different activities. No kids at home so they did what they wanted.
Until he had a nasty stroke and lost his job. Their savings didn't last very long. They had to sell up and move back home. She now works part time in a bank
Long and short is that when they mention going out I really struggle. I could afford to treat us all without giving it a second thought. They're my friends, why wouldn't I want to do it. BUT, I feel like it would be rubbing it in their faces and that isn't something I could do to my friends.
They might think I have it all, but I wish they did too

It's easy to feel jealous of other people when life seems to be giving yourself a raw deal so stop beating yourself up about it. You sound quite normal to me. The thing to remember is that - even bad luck runs out sometime - so perhaps when your circumstances change you will start feeling better about yourself and those around you.

That said, it sounds to me as if you need to make some changes in your life to improve you self esteem. If you are having financial problems what can you do to improve the situation? Are you happy with your partner?

Hang on in there, things will get better, they always do!

Comparison is the thief of joy........

Look at what you have, what you want it to be and then set about getting it.

You are the only obstacle to it.

Good luck

Someone once said, the key to true happiness is to covet the things you already have. Bit corny but true i think

What great advice from everyone.. Thanks so much!

I think being on maternity leave makes me worse as I sit at home alone quite a lot a dwell on things and isolate myself and just think of negative things.

Time for a change! Self esteem has always been an issue for me even more so now I've had a baby and feeling a bit frumpy and unattractive!

Hello Hymen

Everyone goes through ups & downs in life, some big, some small

Try to think of 3 positive things each day

Do you have any short or long term goals that you want to achieve ?
There was a recent discussion about 5 year plans on MN
What pans can you make for yourself ?

Everyone wants different things in life, what do YOU want ?

What will make you happy ?

Put the positive energy into your life, instead of worrying/comparing your life to other people

Good luck

hymencowell you're not a bad person at all. I'm sure you're lovely and you just need to find the joy in your life and what you have again. You mention being on maternity leave. I know a bunch of prople, myself included, who would give anything to have a baby but are struggling. I'd swap my career and holidays to be a family in an instant. So that is something huge to be thankful for, although I know that caring for a baby can be hard and isolating, so don't be too tough on yourself if you're feeling low. I would definitely second meditation as a way of managing your jealousy and finding happiness, I have relied on it lots these last 2 years when I've compared myself to friends who have what I don't, and I rarely do it now and instead am grateful for what I do have. Loads of great advice from the other posters. Plus look at practical stuff, see if you can find money in your budget for a haircut or something else that makes you feel good. I also think that bad luck can make us feel helpless and unable to help ourselves, but whilst you can't control what the universe throws at you, as others have said, you can control your response. Good luck with finding happiness, it's right there within touching distance!

Being at home on your own with a baby can be sooo hard! It's easy to dwell on the enjoyable lifestyle things that you've given up and the exhaustion and hormones.....

FWIW I think it's disgraceful that mums of babies aren't supported better. In my granny's day (as I've told MN-etters a few times ) mums weren't expected to get out of bed for three weeks after the birth; related or neighbouring women did the new mum's housework and changed the baby's nappy and all the mum was required to do was feed the baby. It's no wonder so many new mums get PND - stuck on your own for most of the baby. -or listening to other mums brag/obsess/delude themselves about their baby and pretend it's all going marvellously This is a difficult time in your life that will pass.... (I hope that doesn't sound patronising - it's hard to think like that when you're at the little baby stage)

How is today going? I hope it makes you feel nice to know that your thread with its helpful posts has restored my faith in the wisdom of MN-etters and encouraged me to keep on my path of meditating and trying to live a 'good' life.

Chocco I couldn't agree more it's so nice to get such positive responses that are actually helpful and that I can use.

I have joined the local gym that has a crèche so I can work out and have a break at the same time and I feel a bit better already.

Also reading up on meditation and will give it a go when I get some peace and quiet!

Thanks everyone, it's true that on the outside people look like they have perfect lives but you never know what's going on behind closed doors!

Thanks xxx

When people ask me how I am, I reply "Upright and breathing, everything else is a bonus".

Having watched someone I loved dearly die by millimetres over two decades, the most recent death in an overlong parade of pointless and unnecessary ones, I have much to be thankful for.

There'll be lambs soon; always a lift to the spirits.

You went to the gym with your baby! High five from me and much respect. I'm impressed (FWIW) (hich is probably not much)

You come across to me as a very nice person - be as kind to yourself as possible and hang on to the fact that everything changes. Bask in the glow of knowing that at least one MN-etter is very impressed with you going to the gym!

Bask sista - revel in the warmth!

Haha! Thanks ;)
Gotta work on the bikini body I'm currently looking like a melted mini milk! Holiday in July so that something to look forward too although it's breaking our backs paying for it! A friends wedding so was an excuse to go!