The counselling process

[Islanegra]

We have been married for 10 years and have hit a v rocky patch so we are going for marriage and psychosexual counselling. Our counsellor says that neither of us will have to "decide" if we want to stay married, the process will do that for us. But how?

It sounds badly worded, but I think what s/he means is that it will become obvious to both of you during the counselling that either you want the same things and want to be together, or that you want different things and it's best to split.

To add, as it stands, DH wants it to work, desperately. I love him but I'm not "in" love and all sexual attraction for him has dwindled, despite him still being the attractive Man I married. The chemistry isn't there for me. I also suspect that he just doesn't want the changes that separation would bring, and wants to stay put on that basis alone. He denies this. Anyway, our counsellor says to just go with the process, but I don't fully understand what that means, and I also don't think he would ever willingly let me go - thus proving the process "wrong"! Does that make sense? Cheers in advance.

Thanks pocket saviour. I had a bit of a meltdown at the last session and said I didn't want to do this any more but she said we should stick with it, and if we didn't, we would carry over our problems into our next relationships.
So although we want different things NOW, she says we need to stick with it. But until when? I'm crap at this therapy thing, I don't get it.

Yeah, if one partner is deeply in denial and wants to cling on, and the other has made their mind up, I don't think the therapeutic process can really work.

It sounds like you already know you want to go? If you can't imagine literally anything that your DH could say/do to change your mind, then I'd say cut your losses now and go.

Right now there's nothing he can do, or he would have done it, for sure. It's the "spark" thing. I Keep thinking it'll come back maybe. He's a good man, we get alongside well but we are not lovers.

Anyone else been through this?