Have NC as very identifiable.
I wanted to get some opinions from you wise people about this aspect of my father's behaviour which is perplexing me. He was also EA and PA and I am low contact with him.
He has diabetes (since early teens) and takes insulin to control his blood sugar. If you administer too great an amount of insulin your blood sugar drops too low and you act drunk, then loose consciousness, then if someone doesn't give you sugar asap you fall into a coma and die. A typical diabetic has a dangerously low blood sugar maybe a couple of times a year, usually if they are unwell and their eating or insulin needs change. In general it is not rocket science- you need to eat enough food for the dose of insulin you have given yourself.
My father had dangerously low blood sugar at least once a day, sometimes several times a day. My childhood was dominated by him falling into comas and us looking for him and rescuing him, or worrying by the phone when he went out for the day and ended up in hospital. My mother's life was seriously curtailed by it as if she went out for a few hours he would almost certainly be unwell when she got back, and he would blame it on her, e.g. 'I gave myself my usual insulin but you weren't here to make me a sandwich so I ended up unconscious'. She would be anxious when she went out, phoning him and begging him to eat lunch, then having to dash back if he didn't answer the phone.
This obviously was very worrying to me as a child as I frequently thought he would die- every couple of weeks he would go missing and we would anxiously wait for a call from a hospital or the police or a bystander who had found him. He refused to wear a medical alert bracelet so he was often assumed to be drunk, which made us worry more. He also spoilt many important occasions for me by giving himself a low blood sugar and acting drunk in front of my friends, or meaning that we had to leave early. Also I was terrified of getting diabetes myself as he told me it is partly genetic, I became a real worrier as a child.
His doctors unanimously told him that he was giving himself too much insulin each day and that if he reduced the dose he wouldn't keep losing consciousness. He resolutely ignored them. As a child I couldn't understand why he wouldn't listen. As an adult I see that he was doing this on purpose.
He contrived to give himself a low blood sugar at big events when he wasn't the centre of attention for example, then relish in the fuss made over him, and when he had received treatment talk about what happened at great length. Or he would wander off and go missing so my mother had to leave the event she was enjoying to search for him in case he was unconscious somewhere. At big dinners he would always administer his insulin too early so that my mum would need to rush to get the food ready or hassle the waiters to bring his out early before he became ill. He would never be grateful or embarrassed after these occasions, he would only reluctantly say thank you if directly instructed to by my mother (as though a small child). He often greatly inconvenienced others and never thanked them, e.g. if a bystander helped him in the street or he knocked on a stranger's door when unwell, he seemed to have an expectation that everyone was there for his convenience.
Of note, when my mother occasionally went away for a few days to visit family without him, he managed his blood sugar fine whilst she was gone (although she would have to phone him to check on him often, he did eat properly when she was several hours away).
My question is- why would someone do this? I can see that he enjoys being the centre of attention and feeling special, and that it is a means of controlling my mother, but it was a big risk to himself. Most diabetics are very embarrased by acting as if drunk when their blood sugar is low, but he would purposely do this in front of friends, professional colleagues, my childhood friends, in public. Also he could have easily died on a weekly if not daily basis. He was horrible to my mother in many other ways too and many people would have just stopped keeping a such close eye on him!
He also talks and thinks constantly about his diabetes. If you met him for the first time it would literally be the first thing he said to you. He thinks about it constantly too, but thinking his own theories about it and reflecting in great detail on his own experiences, rather than learning or asking for information from others.
I am feeling like a weight is off my shoulders since I have reduced contact, and can think about it more objectively. His illness was unfortunately a huge part of my childhood and I am interested to hear if anyone has thoughts about why someone would make their illness dominate them and their family so much.