boyfriend can't come during intercourse

[BoozeyTuesday]

Hello mumsnetters. I've been seeing my lovely boyfriend for a couple of months and we were friends for yrs before that. I'm 34 and he's 32. I suspected he was possibly a virgin or very inexperienced with women when we've got together. I've got a son and quite few relationships, flings and one night stands under my belt. His lack of experience isn't an issue to me as he's so wonderful in every other way.

We've shared a bed a few times and everything's great when we're kissing and touching. we haven't had oral sex yet. He can get an erection very easily and I know how much I turn him on and how attracted he is to me. He can come easily when I give him a hand job or when he masturbates himself.

However we have tried to have intercourse and he loses his erection and can't come. This is very distressing for him as he feels like he has failed me. I always reassure him that it doesn't matter to me, I like him so much and just want to fix this for his sake. We have talked and we think it could be down to him getting so used to hand jobs/masturbation which have a much different sensation to a vagina. He also has to wear condoms which I have thought might reduce sensation but we don't have a lot of choice there.

Just wondering if anyone has come across this problem before and if tiny have any tips or suggestions as to how to overcome it. Thanks in advance.

I encountered this with an ex. He had been single for a few years and had a sexless relationship before that. It never occurred to me that it could be because of being used to masturbation, but its a good point.

I'd suggest maybe staying away from hand jobs for a while, let him get used to the new sensation.

I'd also say try and deal with it, whatever you do, sooner rather than later as the longer it goes on, the more psychological it becomes.

Before a whole bunch of no doubt well meaning, but ill informed posters comes along and shout PORN and / or DEATH GRIP, it's not either of them.

It's performance anxiety and lack experience, leading to more performance anxiety.

Don't make a big deal out of it, do other stuff, hands, mouths etc, and then one day you'll find penetration happening without it being planned....

Good luck. You'll be fine.

Hi OP. My suggestion is that it might help if you remove orgasm as a goal during sex - if it happens, great, if it doesn't, also great.

Have you tried different brands of condom? In my experience people who use them generally have a preference, if he is less experienced he may not have found the ones that suit him best?

Teenage boys can have this issue when they shift from wanking to sex, as they're used to the feel of a hand rather than a vagina.

If you think he was a virgin he may just need to get used to the feel of a vagina, change his MO slightly, and work out how to come that way.

He could be anxious about it too.

Thanks for the input, I'll bear them all in mind.

Eekaman may be right- I would ask whether he masterbates/needs a hand job to be very hard and fast to come? If so I think death grip, if not performance anxiety

Please excuse spelling mistake

I had a partner of 13 years who could ver very rarely cum inside, retarded ejaculation he had. No problem to worry about

If he was a virgin all these years then he is simply used to his hand. My advice is no masturbation for about 3months and he should reset fine.

Please google death grip. Despite a previous posters protestations that this isn't his problem, going by what you have said it may well be.

Unless of course the other poster knows your dp on a personal level!