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Next steps?

2 replies

OhNoNotPooAgain · 22/03/2015 19:23

I've just had one row too many with my DH, and realised I have to leave him. We're really really different, we've been together almost 15 years and the rows just keep getting worse and worse, and he keeps getting more and more distant and cold. It's a horrible atmosphere, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells and have to ask his permission to do anything.

What makes it complicated is we're living abroad on his work secondment. I've given up my career to be with him here, we have 2 DC. I'm not able to work here under the terms of our visa, will not be able to rent another place as I have no standing under the law so I can't enter into a rental contract, and I won't be able to leave the country with the children without him giving signed power of attorney permission.

We'll be returning to the UK in 2016, but I just don't know what to do between then and now? Shall I just suck it up and muddle through until we're back in the UK and I can begin to separate? I just don't know how I can survive the next 18 months with him. I don't know what next steps to take. Maybe I should try and talk to him (though I've tried that again and again and again over the last 10 years). We can't access counselling whilst we're abroad. He refuses to talk to me about anything important as he's always 'too tired' at weekends or after work, though he's always awake enough to work from home until all hours. I just don't know what to do, and how to make the best of this situation so it impacts our DC as little as possible.

OP posts:
Christinayang1 · 22/03/2015 20:00

Would he give permission for you to take kids out of the country ?

Would he rent somewhere for himself?

OhNoNotPooAgain · 22/03/2015 20:34

It's tricky as the flat we're in is a company flat, he wouldn't be able to rent somewhere for himself, I'd have to go somewhere else.

I'm not sure about the taking the children out of the country. I don't think he'd be happy at all about them being so far away from him, and also I don't want to deny the DC a relationship with their father.

I've just drawn out a chart stating the times when the children need looking after (e.g. before school, after school, at weekend) and allocated slots to each of us so that one can be with the children and the other can be out of the way to minimise us having to come into contact with each other to minimise us winding each other up and arguments, and he seems happy with that.

OP posts:
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