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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I know I'm overreacting but....

20 replies

littleweed · 27/04/2004 11:42

ok so this is really trivial in the scheme of things but here goes....... today is my birthday - my first one as a mum. I've mentioned several times to my DH that getting a 'happy birthday mummy 'card was really important to me......... and surprise surprise there isn't one _I got a joint one from DH and baby but to me thats not teh same. he can't understand why I'm a bit sad and I can't understand why he didn't bother. so there you are - nothing really important at all but I'm quite upset :-((
(not to mention old!!) littleweed

OP posts:
ghengis · 27/04/2004 11:43

Happy birthday Littleweed. My DH wouldn't have remembered the card so be grateful! Have a great day

Codswallop · 27/04/2004 11:46

no my dh is crap at birthays

how life with oyu

are you out and about?

gold123 · 27/04/2004 11:49

Happy birthday - I do understand, I would feel the same. I hope you enjoy your day, are you doing anything nice ?

baldrick · 27/04/2004 11:51

think that's men Hope you have a nice day, are you doing anything nice?

busybee123 · 27/04/2004 11:52

Hi littleweed...you are NOT overreacting at all....you have waited so long to be a mummy after all. I was really upset when the same thing happened to me on my birthday,..hubby rushed out to get one from the corner shop last thing at night ON my birthday....and came back with a dog eared bog standard 35p card from him and the kids. Well bugger me...the same thing happened on mothers day. Not a hint of MUMMY about them!!! I always get him ones with daddy on and even get him cards from me on fathers day. He doesn't even get one with WIFE on it for our anniversary (which happens to be next week so see I if get proven wrong!?)

dottee · 27/04/2004 12:12

You are right to be upset ... I'd be furious!

It's not trivial .. little things mean a lot!

Drop a few not so subtle hints tonight.

Anyway, I hope you have a happy birthday and a happy year!

LipstickMum · 27/04/2004 12:17

Bummer Have a great day anyway. What you up to today?

mambo · 27/04/2004 12:36

Happy Birthday.My dh is not into cards atall - valentines cards, mothers day cards , anniversary cards even xmas cards.I remember on a few occasions my mum arranged cards for me from kids! On my bday last year we were in France and He hadn't planned in advance and I got no card and chose my own present in french market! He was embarassed though because friends we were with had brought me card and prezzie.We've had a few problems recently and this year I got a card on valentines day ( not a valentnes card though!!) and a card off him on Mothers day and a cd and choccies. I made him listen to me and he knows that because it isn't important to him it matters to other people.I think the last few years I haven't made such a fuss any more for him like I use to. What annoys me more than anything is I always write cards to his mother for birthdays and mothers day and if I didn't she wouldn't get them.

lou33 · 27/04/2004 13:11

Happy birthday Littleweed, sorry you didn't get your card.

marialuisa · 27/04/2004 13:18

Another DH who doesn't do cards, mother's day and so on.

I think what really sticks in my craw is that I'm getting the fall-out from his mum being an evil cow! Anyway, DD always makes mother's day cards at nursery and TBH they're nicer....

Caribbeanqueen · 27/04/2004 13:20

Happy Birthday Littleweed. Sorry about the card. I also got a joint one from dh and dd and a joint present. I was disappointed because I really wanted a mummy card, and had dropped plenty of hints, but the present was really nice so I couldn't really complain without looking ungrateful!

When baby gets older, I'm sure he/she will buy you some lovely mummy cards.

Welshmum · 27/04/2004 14:23

happy birthday littleweed - hope you have a lovely day

Chocol8 · 27/04/2004 15:19

I agree, you have every right to be upset! Happy Birthday Littleweed!

I remember on my first Mother's Day, my h ran out and bought a pack of UNroasted, UNsalted cashew nuts from the corner shop - they were out of date...! I was not a happy mummy.

Generally though, I think it is just a guy thing.

marthamoo · 27/04/2004 15:26

Dh is hopeless at cards, gifts, birthdays and events in general. Two examples of birthday gifts: a tumble-dryer (my 30th) and a jar of beetroot (my 32nd). One year I got a card from the Post Office over the road which said "Happy Anniversary" inside it and he'd crossed out Anniversary and changed it to Birthday.

Mother's Day I get nothing, as he says "you're not My mother" (wouldn't mind, but his mother gets nothing either!)

To be honest, it doesn't bother me that much - though it obviously does you so I would kick up a stink now, before it gets ingrained.

My Mum and Dad have been married 39 years and in all that time he has bought her one birthday card...you have been warned, if you let him get away with it, he will for ever more!

Happy Birthday by the way

Original poster
littleweed · 27/04/2004 15:32

Ok so he's just being a bloke.... had some friends for lunch but hadn't mentioned it was my birthday as I didn't want them to think Iwas fishing for presents. but went shooping this morning and blew obscene amount of money on clothes shoes, chocolate and crap magazines which has made me feel slightly better. (doesn't help that Dh doesn't want to do anything tonight adn 'would rather wait until the weekend' - so thats a really special day I'm having then!!)

OP posts:
Original poster
littleweed · 27/04/2004 15:33

shooping - like shopping only with DH's credit card!!!

OP posts:
marialuisa · 27/04/2004 15:35

Oh Littleweed! men are so c**p sometimes. On mother's Day i actually paid to take DH and DD out to lunch (was treating my mum, but he came along too!).

Why don't you sit on the sofa with your choc and mags and demand he either cooks or gets a takeaway because it's YOUR birthday!

marthamoo · 27/04/2004 15:37

Oh definitely have a takeaway (he fetches, if they don't deliver) - no cooking allowed on birthdays.

marialuisa · 27/04/2004 15:37

Obviously if he'd had time he would have bought you all those things and at least that way you know you like them

I made the mistake of getting DH to get me underwear one Xmas. Was actually an ok colour, just unfortunate that it looked like something you'd wear out clubbing and was padded (I was a 30 EE at the time...)

Tortington · 28/04/2004 11:17

happy birthday for yesterday. we dont do birthday cards - kids dont get 'em, i dont get one, dh doesnt get any off us as a nuclear family. no improtance therefore is attached to them. this is a strategy i have developed after being disapointed. i too dont think the point is to say " oy fatty , yes you over there with the ginger hair, you. its my birthday on sunday get me a card or die a thousand horrible deaths and spend the rest of your miserable meaningless existance remembering how you once forgot my birthday. you will NOT do it again" so i just thought - fuckit. they are not important. so not only do we not send to eadch other - we dont send to anyone else either. all the extended family moan and whinge but fuckit.

if you dont want to adopt a rather cruel approach mentioned above. then you have to remember that they are useless and will fuck up. a none birthday analogy - my husband washes the clothes. if one a week he doesnt ask me if red can go in the same wash as white and yellow stuff i would be surprised. useless.

hope this inane rambling helped cheer you up!

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