9 months but no I love you

[Wotsitsareafterme]

I have been I a relationship with my 9 since I met him 9 months ago. We are both divorced and both resident parents. We have introduced our dc and spend time altogether now and then. We spend all our weekends off together. Sometimes I have to cut in to these fit other social stuff. Dp never double books himself and always makes himself available. We have a great time together though we sometimes struggle to keep in touch when we are apart.
Dp finds it very hard to discuss feelings.he has not said anything like o love you for several months. I kind of have opposing gut feelings about this. One is that it will come in time and the other is that if he doesn't feel it now maybe he won't ever. What do you think?

Well what happens when you say it? Does he just not reply? Have you had a proper talk about where this is going?

Maybe he's just cautious. Sounds like he said it when you were first together though yeah?

I can't say it I'm scared he won't say it back or worse. Just had another difficult conversation about where the relationship is going. He mostly says 'I don't know but I'm very happy with current set up' I'm also happy with currant set up and he will commit to near future plans. We don't really have any other issues but I want to be told I am loved

Loveyoutothemoon - yes early on about two months in he said 'do you know how much I love you?' I was a bit shocked then and not ready to hear it. Sometime between xmas and now he responded to something with 'doesn't mean I don't care about you or love you any less' but beginning to think I imagined it

"I can't say it I'm scared he won't say it back or worse."

Maybe he feels the same? Just pull up your big girl pants and say it!

Well that's why then because you were so shocked he said it!! You should tell him, then he'll tell you!

He's held back from saying it again because of your reaction.

So early on in the relationship he told you he loved you and you didn't respond?
I'm not surprised he's not rushing to repeat it!
Personally I'd be more interested in what he does rather than what he says.
Is kind, caring and there for you when you need him? Is he affectionate and do you enjoy being together?
I think if you want to hear it you may need to say it first.
I also think you need to try and be less insecure or you could jeopardise what you have.

I'm not sure. He was borderline smothering back then though I really miss that now. I wish I'd said it 2 weeks ago during a really happy time. I'm very confused because otherwise I can't fault him apart from communication issues now and then but this makes it feel too risky to invest emotionally any further

You need to have the conversation.

Text him: I was wondering, do you love me? Xx

Do it now! Then report back. You've nothing to lose

No don't text him, say it in person. I'm not sure what you're worrying about here?!

Worried he doesn't love me.
I can't text him now I know he's out in the garden for a few hours he won't have taken his phone out there. I don't think I can handle not hearing back for a while

Thanks for all the replies though when I put my rational head on I can't see a problem just lack of patience but I don't want to end up alone or mugged off

Perhaps he took it on board that you were feeling a bit smothered before and has stepped back until he gets an indication that it's welcome, which would be fair enough.

Listen to what we're saying. And of course he loves you. Like I said he's scared of saying it again after your reaction!

I think 9 months is not really that long. I didn't feel comfortable saying I love you to DH until we'd been together a year (although he said it sooner). For me what matters is someone's behaviour rather than what they say. We're not the type to sign off every text with kisses or say I love you every day but I know how he feels from the way he treats me. If he is treating you well then that should show you how he feels.

Crunchypeas - cute name btw your post makes me feel better. I am impatient i think if I listed his behaviour mn would think he's a saint and I'm an ungrateful cow. I think I need to focus on what I put in for a while

I've been with the squeeze for around 3 years. He's never said he loves me. I doubt very much he ever will. Big change from my previous relationship, it takes a while to get used to!

I agree with the others. Actions are what counts the word really is unimportant insofar as my ex told me loved me every day for four years, then dumped me without looking back, it was obvious in retrospect he said the right thing but didn't behave lovingly. So concentrate on how he makes you feel and if you love him, say it without expectation of his reply. I've no doubt though you'll hear it back

I could have written this post though we have been together for 14 months and still no love you. We discussed it and he had 100 explanations why he doesn't say it.
One was "if I say I love you that would mean I am asking you to become my wife and spend the rest of our lives together and I am not prepared to do so" (neither do I by the way but I do love him and want to hear I am loved). Another explanation was " I never say that, I have been married for 20 years and haven't said that too except in the beginning when asking her to marry me"

Then another one "my actions show more, why do you need words?"

I can go on and on. It took quite a few conversations, some tears from my side and he tries to say it now and then. Still hurts that I have to beg for these words but he does show by actions that he cares, so trying to keep positive.