Really struggling with my mother atm. Having RL counselling to do with her systematic destruction of my self esteem. Feeling in a much happier place and putting in some firm boundaries.
I think nc will be a last resort so I am, at the moment, trying to see how I get on with reinforcing very strong boundaries.
She was vile to me a couple of weeks ago on the phone, I challenged it. She justified herself.
Have avoided contact but obv last week was mother's day and I didn't want to give her ammunition for me being a shit daughter so sent flowers and managed a 10 minute phone call.
This week I found out an ex partner is dying. Am feeling very sad and fragile about it. DM obviously knows him as we were together years and she met him several times. Obviously in a normal mother/daughter relationship you would tell your mother this sad news.
If I do, she will treat it as she always does - any situation involving death where a sad/sympathetic response is normal her response is almost an indignance, kind of an affront that someone should have the temerity to do something so undignified as to die. It's almost like a jealousy? That the attention is on someone else.
Also, emotion is frowned upon, she will not have it in herself to be sympathetic to me. If I tell her about it she will punish me.
I have sent her a card and a present, right now I just think shove your sorry little birthday up your arse (sorry).
I should call though, shouldn't I? If only because I am giving her ammunition for her shit daughter narrative if I don't. Having jumped through the mother's day card, present, phone call, birthday card and present hoops it seems stupid to fall at the final hurdle of calling her on her birthday.
And yet, I just don't feel up to it. Had counselling this week, in bits over my friend, I just don't care about this selfish woman's birthday.
What to do?