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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend not my child's dad need help

12 replies

H2212jean · 22/03/2015 02:28

Hi all I am just after somewhere to post to offload and get an outsiders point and a differnt perspective. I been with my new bf for 2 1/2 years and I have a 6 year old from previous relationship. My bf keeps disappearing to the pub and ignoring my calls then blaming me for him drinking. He works away mon-fri, I work 40hours and have my child on my own. I ask to do a couple things in the weekend with him to spend time together and he goes straight out after work on way home ignores me rings me at 3am to chat cos he's drunk and then spends an hour hungover sat night with me then does the same all weekend. Tonight he has been on a fight in the pub when he text me to say he was at home and he text me at 8pm
Say he's been beaten up then ignored me til 11:30pm and then blamed it on me!!! I don't really no what to do. Anymore I have my 6tear olds dad on my case and currently taking him to court for emotional abuse, and I know feel I'm in the same situation with my new bf, blaming me and not wanting to see me can someone please jus give me an answer I no I should get rid but I can't I love him to much

OP posts:
Figwin · 22/03/2015 02:41

I think you have answered your own question. From what you said it sounds like a similar situation and also that if you had a friend in that situation you would advise them to end it.
Without knowing all the details it's hard to say exactly what's happening and who said what but if he really loves you he will fight for you. If you decide to give it a go I would suggest going back to dating and wooing each other again. If he doesn't agree then you know he doesn't value your relationship as much as a partner should

Cleetus · 22/03/2015 03:12

What can you find to love about him? He sounds bloody awful. You only see him at the weekend, which he spends either drunk, hungover, getting into pub fights or being mean to you.
It sounds like you're going through a stressful time with a court case, and I can see how you're really needing emotional support, but this guy isn't going to give you it. He's only making you feel worse.
Im guessing this loser spotted that you were a bit vulnerable having come out of a previous abusive relationship, and saw you as a target.
Have you heard of the Freedom Programme? Very good for opening your eyes to abuse and spotting abusers.

lunalelle · 22/03/2015 03:37

Well, if you 'love him too much' then you will need to put up with it in silence and be very unhappy, because he won't change, and he is a prize dickhead.

I don't recommend it.

YvyB · 22/03/2015 05:25

What a marvellous role model for your dc. Put your 6 year old first - surely you love them more?

ChoochiWhoo · 22/03/2015 06:04

What would happen if you just ignored his texts completely? He sounds awful, Id just go NC he'll get the message.

BackCrackAndNappySack · 22/03/2015 06:26

Sounds like you have a habit of inviting pretty useless and unappealing men into your life. How about you make a decision to stop it?

Anyone that works away all week and then ignores his partner of 2.5 years to spend so much time in the pub getting pissed that they end up in fights (whether instigated by them or not) at only 8pm at night is clearly not someone who has his priorities quite right. It sounds like he puts you at the very bottom of his list and then expects you to jump when he finally bothers to call because he wants or needs something. He comes round for booty calls and when he's feeling poorly and wants his dinner cooked, doesn't he?

What do you get out of all this? Are you so frightened of being alone that this poor excuse for a relationship seems like the better option?

basgetti · 22/03/2015 06:32

This is the man who you posted about on the other thread who eats all your child's food leaving you with no money for a week? I'll say what I said on that that thread too. What on earth are you thinking? Put your child first.

BackCrackAndNappySack · 22/03/2015 06:33

And yes, as a PP said, you are setting an awful example to your child who will grow up with a very warped idea of what a normal relationship should look like. You are setting the benchmark for your child in how to treat others and allow yourself to be treated. Think about it.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 22/03/2015 06:34

Get rid, he sounds like a right loser.

straighttothepoint · 22/03/2015 07:11

Do everyone a favour and get shot of him. He's a twat. Why be with him, and have your dc see him? He doesn't love you, that is obvious, as he treats you like a twat too.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 22/03/2015 07:13

Grow a pair of ovaries and ditch the alcoholic loser. You're fucking up your son's childhood.

BackCrackAndNappySack · 22/03/2015 09:55

Yes, the bottom line is that he clearly just doesn't love you.

Why would you want to stay with someone who demonstrates regularly that HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU?

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