Birthday and christmas presents

[lexielou]

My DH is the youngest of five siblings and as a result we are the last of them to have children.
He has always bought christmas and birthday presents for his nieces and nephews but when DS1 had his first birthday his SIL said "were not doing birthdays anymore as its getting too expensive"
Now I know its not all about presents but it bloody annoys me when I think that we carried on buying for her children even though we were seriously skint and she has never bought for our children. Its not a money issue for them as the both have very good jobs.
Would you be angry? Or should I just let it go (which I dont think I can do because it really winds me up every time I think of it)

I think I'd let it go, whilst seething inside. All very well to say that it's expensive, but rather rude to do so after accepting all your present.
But not worth making a public issue of - but then I avoid arguments at all costs while muttering to myself and complaining to dh!

I would be furious to hear that. How incredibly rude of her. What do all the other family members think about it?

I have seethed inside foe a few years over this but another thing that SIL has done is that when DS" was born she wanted to come and visit the day I came home from hospital. I had only given birth that morning and didnt get home till 6pm and was tired (had laboured during the night) and also I wanted the other children to have the chance to get to know the new arrival and not get their noses pushed out by lots of people visiting. We asked for a few days before visitors came and she huffed and puffed a bit when DH said this. She hasnt been to see DS" and he is now 11 months old. I have always liked SIL but she is causing a real rift in the family.
Sorry I know there is nothing much I can do... I just needed to rant a bit and get it off my chest.

She did this to my other SIL when she had her kids and she was livid. Now they are best of friends and I feel we are being slagged off.
DH hates them all because of this

He's 11 months old and she still hasn't visited? Not surprised she's causing a rift. But she sounds like she's not worth causing a rift over, if that's her attitude.

I think she has just taken offence because we asked for a couple of days before people came to visit. Wehavent said anything to DHs other siblings, we thought we would let her do the slagging off bit, but I am really upset by this

how mean of her not coming to see you all for 11 months & saying not to bother about pressies.
i suppose it will be cheaper & easier for you not to have to go & buy pressies for all of them.
maybe you could buy a box/tin of chocs/bickies for the whole family just to show you aren't as mean and strange as her, possibly go round altogether around xmas & rise above it all.

I dont think I will be spending another penny on her kids (I dont hold it against the kids, its not their doing) and anyway her kids are 19 and 21 now and I stop buying pressies for people when they turn 18, when they have kids of their own I may or may not buy for them but it will depend how I feel about the situation when that time comes. It just pisses me off that I have bought for their kids all those years and the minute we have our choldren its "too expensive"
She must not make the connection that her kids have had presents all these years and ours get naf all.
Sorry for sounding so bitter but I am and I cant help it.

As for her not visiting after DS2 was born, I wouldnt mind but she wouldnt hesitate to ask for a few days alone before people came visiting, she does whats best for her family regardless of how other people might feel about it, and I did something that I wouldnt usually do which was to ask for some time alone as a family so that my other kids didnt feel pushed out and didnt get jealous.

Ooh, I would have been so tempted to say "yes SIL, I agree, present buying is expensive. I've had 21 years of buying for yours and strangely enough it never got any cheaper" ........ but probably would have been too chicken/polite to do so !

I suppose, playing devil's advocate, that they might just have money problems in spite of the well paid jobs, that you don't know about, but a small, inexpensive, thoughtful gift wouldn't have gone amiss would it, after all her years of taking ?

She sounds very mean spirited.

I am seething with SIL. DH seems quiet and withdrawn and I know damn well its because of the rift that has been caused by us wanting a few days of peace and quiet after the birth of DS2.
I am begining to wonder if it was worth asking for this time alone when we had DS" or if I should have just let them come down at 6pm the minute I got through the door, because thats what SIL wanted.

leave it or get dh and sil to sort out.

I have decided after nearly a year of mil and sil sniping at dh that it is now down to him to arrange contact or phone his mother because i am not having him upset for days after seeing them. we have seem his parents twice since July but thats their choice.

I know what you mean about sil mine has been saying for the 2 years that should love to had dd over night but has never once had her she is now 2yrs 9mths.

Sil works two days a week but i have arrange dd birthdays teas at a weekend when i know she doesn't work yet she has arranged to work that day on both occasions although she has been told 4 weeks before what we are doing.

I know it's wrong but i am not going to her dd birthday at the end of november i will send a present and a card but's thats it, i have gone to all her daughters birthdays even when i have been ill.

Sorry thats got a bit long.