I'm in a really desperate situation at the moment, one I know lots of other people will have been in.
My younger sister, T, is 19 and in an abusive relationship with N.
N has had a tough life to say the least, he was been passed from pillar to post through out his childhood while his parents battled drug and alcohol addictions before moving to our area a year ago. As a family, we gave him the benefit of the doubt even when we found out that he has previous convictions for theft.
They have been together for the last 10 months during which time he hasn't worked and she has supported them both financially.
My mum had a call from T's work around 5 weeks ago - T had turned up with bruising and cuts on her face and told her colleagues it was N. She was badly shaken and very upset. I later found out she had told my mum that he had been beating her up but she thinks she deserved it and it was her fault. Mum persuaded T to talk to the police, which she did and she gave a statement but refused to press charges. She stayed with our mum for 3 nights before going back to him. The police have marked T as being at a medium-high risk of domestic abuse.
There was a similar incident a few days ago when he abused her, threw her out of his flat and called the police, who turned up on our doorstep visibly concerned for her safety. Luckily she was ok, shaken but ok. T was adamant that when someone tells her to leave she will and she won't go back, but she went back the next day.
T has always been a lively, outgoing, confident girl with the most amazing smile and now every time I see her a little bit more of that spark has been extinguished. We have offered to pay for counselling for T and offered her somewhere safe to live if she leaves N but she really loves him and has been manipulated into thinking he loves her too. She honestly thinks they have a future together, she's even said she wants to have children with him one day.
We are incredibly worried for her, there is no way we can know how many other times he has been violent to her and whether the abuse is sexual as well. I feel like it is only a matter of time before T ends up in hospital, or worse.
None of us have a clue what to do, we don't want to ostracise N because we know that that will push her away as well but it makes me feel physically sick to think about how badly he's been treating her and so guilty that there seems to be nothing we can do but wait for her to make the decision to leave him herself.
If anyone else has been in an abusive relationship, what could/did your family do? What could they do?
Any help or advice would be so gratefully received.