I need advice

[LozzaP39]

There is no one I can talk to about this so I need your help.
Have been dating my boss since oct and have fallen hard and he feels the same BUT he is 15 yrs older than me and has written himself off having a relationship and doesn't want to go through it all at work. Problem is we work 70 hrs a week together and get on like a house on fire and my nightmare ex also works for the company.
I adore spending time with him but I can't stay on the shelf forever as Being around him makes me not want to look at another person and the only way I can see to get over him is to give up my job and move on.

What do you think?

How old are you? Do you want children in the future?

It sounds as if he is not willing to go through the upheaval that a relationship with you would mean, if you don't feel the same I would be looking for another job indeed.

I would tell him honestly how I feel so that he could make his decision knowing what is at stake from my POV.

I'm 32, so imagining going through this with someone aged 47 isn't far-fetched. What is a game-changer is your age and whether you want children in the future.

Yes. Get out now. For yourself and for your career and for his.

70hrs a week at work. I guess you are in a professional grey suit job? Lawyer? Accountant? Management consultant?

A male boss shagging his much younger female subordinate for 6 months. WTF?! I am a senior grey suit. You'd both be fired anywhere I've worked.

Actually, that's not true, the rules would say you should both be fired but in the more sexist environments he'd be smug while his sleazy peers with their nice young mistresses smirk and nudge nudge, the non-sleazy peers will think less of you for being gullible, not a good trait in a grey suit. You peers will be judging you like mad too.

Monica Lewinsky jokes will abound. Don't try to tell me no one knows. Believe me everyone will know.

Get out quick.

By the way, I mentioned senior people thinking you are gullible. I thought I'd spell out why.

he feels the same BUT he is 15 yrs older than me and has written himself off having a relationship and doesn't want to go through it all at work

There is no one I can talk to about this

He hasn't told HR then? Not asked for one of you to move team/office etc? You are keeping it a secret from your friends and your colleagues?

He has told you he doesn't want a proper relationship. He loves you of course but he just can't have a relationship because he is kind of troubled in some way.

All of that is such a cliche, I am now wondering if you are a journalist looking for a story. If not, he is a sleaze ball who is using you for illicit sex and ego-stroking, not a bloke who happened to fall in love with someone at work.

There's a reason older professional men get into these situations with much younger women at work. I bet you think he's brilliant. I bet you think you are lucky. I bet he shows you the most amazing things that really impress you: nice wines, fancy restaurants, knowledge of the world, good sex, smooth ways. Do you think he might actually be your soul mate?

The women his age won't touch him. They see him for the sleaze ball he is.

Is he divorced?

For god's sake move on. In 15 years time you might do a little sick in your mouth when you think back on how you were groomed by a sad wanker who needed his ego stroking.