Heartbroken

[igloo]

I have been seeing a guy that I adore for a few months. One minute he is extremely attentive and then the next he goes silent. I couldnt take it any longer because I have such strong feelings for him, so I told him I was struggling on our rollercoaster ride. His response was that he needed time to 'clear his head' and that he had some struggles too. Only last week he told me I was 'perfect' and how much I meant to him. We havent spoken for five days now. I dont know how much time he needs. Was that just a polite kiss off. I am heartbroken. I really connected with him. I know I should probably move on but it is so hard to let go. I miss him like crazy. I just want to know if it sounds like he will come back. I havent felt what I feel for him in years. Not even with my ex husband.

What do you think he means by 'clear his head'? Has he recently been through a divorce, or struggles at work?

I'm afraid I always believed if a man likes you, he will find time/clear head to spend time with you.

Could this is a case of 'he's just not that into you'?

Well that blows. The slow realisation that he wasn't as into you as you were with him hurts far more than it should.

As much as you like him you want someone who will like you just as much, this back and forth from him will only cause heartache in the future. Best to let him go now. *Unless he fights for you...then yay!

I really don't know. I haven't asked. I have just backed off.
Maybe he just said what he thought I wanted to hear.

Either way his approach to relationships isn't healthy is it? Dysfunctional even.

He is still doing the same to you now, do you realise that? You're on the roller coaster and he's keeping you at a very low point.

Dump him.

it was a polite kiss off.

BUT you honestly will get over it. He sounds like he has baggage or not sure what he wants and you don't need some one who has either of those.

I know it hurts - been there more than once!

I've had similar this year too, it utterly broke me.

The man I'd loved more than any other, a connection beyond anything. But he clearly has some baggage as he keeps backing off and finding reasons to dump me.

The last time eventually resulted in an email telling me my son had no respect and he intimated it was down to me...

That kind of did it for me, I challenged him and apparently I had the wrog end of the stick, but you know? Enough, no matter what, you never trash your oh child.

Please find a way to turn the page, you'll only get hurt over and over. Cut off from him and let him miss you. If he thinks he's lost you for good, maybe he'll buck his ideas up...

I'm no expert, but I do know how you feel, it does get better.

I'm Internet dating too, not because I want to, I don't, but it distracts me and that's good enough for now

Yes, I'm trying to find a distraction but nothing seems to be working at the moment. This is the second time in two months I have let him in only to get crushed later down the line. He was very hurt by an ex a few years back. I think he has a lot more baggage than I realised.
I need to 'clear my head' and heal too. How can someone say they love you and they would be 'devastated' if you they didn't see you again and then switch off? The first time he did this I cried for weeks and when I finally moved on, he called me out of the blue professing his love. I can't keep doing it to myself but I am so drawn to him and if I am honest with myself I am not ready to let go.

I'm going through the same op and it hurts. I have walked away thinking if he wants me he knows what he has to do. The problem is when they get back in touch but don't offer what you really want, by which time you're sucked in again and get hurt further.

The only thing I can say is you have to go through the pain barrier and come out the other side. You have no choice.

I'd walk away now. Imagine how much more it will hurt 6 months down the line when you finally decide you have to get off the rollercoaster.

I got practically stood up last year, he went away, but came back a couple of months later.

Full on for a month then he ended it. Not ready for a relationship.

I was destroyed.

He reconsidered, we got back together but he dumped me again. Twice in a week.

2 weeks later, he emails, texts, calls, tells me he'll never leave me. I love the very air he breathes. And see that he feels the same way.

2 weeks of pure love, connection, amazing everything, we discuss long term aspirations. We spend more time together to get everyone on board. We spend a weekend as a whole group. .

Dumps me the next day, but worse than ever before. There's no going back now, I can't have the man I love back ever because of things he said.

I'm gradually getting over it, but dating others is shit, am wading through shite, chancers and weirdos when there is a man I want but can't have. Sad thing is, I know he wants me too. But his vicious side is one I can't allow back in my life.

I'm hoping karma has a back up plan and the one I am supposed to be with is out there. This guy showed me what I'm aiming for...

I need to have faith.

Trust me, don't allow yourself to get hurt like this. Have faith in yourself and don't settle for anything less.

I'm kind of going through the same thing. Partner of nearly 6 years ended it last week quite suddenly. I knew things hadn't been right for the last couple of years, but then having a baby and him dealing with Cancer does put a strain on things.

I'm heart broken, thought we had something special, and a gorgeous boy, but clearly not. So the house went on the market this morning and because I work from home I'm also being put out of business. Added on top, because I don't have 2yrs full accounts I can't get a mortgage. It also puts a dent on me trying to rent as none of the Letting Agents will touch me as I don't meet their criteria.

My son is getting upset and asking why does Daddy make me cry, and he's struggling to settle at night as he wants to hold my hand and look after me.

He's only 2.5 ffs, he doesn't deserve this crap and that breaks my heart more than this relationship ending.

Oh you poor thing :( is there no way you can stay on so you. Can still work? Take a lodger it something?

Granville72, I am so sorry to hear your story. It sounds horrific. I don't understand how he could leave you and your son homeless and jobless. How selfish. My husband left me when our son was two(12 now) and it is a really tough journey. My heart goes out to you.
Hissy thank you for sharing too. I don't know how you have coped. The on/off is gut wrenching. I want him to come back so much but not if he is going to leave again. I couldnt take it. This the second time he has vanished on me and returned completly out of the blue. I can't cope with the rollercoaster. Ive already been through years of torment with my ex husband. I had hoped he would be better. Internet dating terrifies me but I guess I need to find some kind of distraction before i fall in a black hole.
Thank you all for the support

He wants the house sold and his share of the equity out of it.

I'm getting legal advice this week, he wont be getting off totally scot free and I'll ensure the best deal for my son.

Off course, he thinks I'm now playing dirty

igloo and others sorry to hear you're going through this.Just wanted to say go into OLD with your wits about you and a thick skin-it may make you feel happier and distracted to begin with but just be careful as my experience has been that there seem to be a lot of players, people who don't really know what they want although they think they do, people who are emotionally unavailable die to past hang ups and just some plain strange people.I have met some nice guys too but not my Mr Right yet!

The first person I met through OLD really made me feel low when it all fell through - went from blowing extremely hot-talking about future arrangements etc-to ending it overnight.

Sorry you're going through this OP, has happened to me before. Have some . I have now developed a thick skin and decided that if a man genuinely wants to be with me then he will find a way to stay in touch. Ie even if busy at work he will text a quick "hello" text, there will always be a follow up date arranged even if 10 days away. Things like that. If a man isn't into you, he will make his feelings clear by just not bothering. In the days of instant communication, it's not hard to stay in touch. Sorry if I sound blunt. I'm currently single and have struck a few off the list for doing exactly this whereas in the past I may have hung around for ages getting more and more depressed. Now it's one strike and you're out.

He wants the house sold and his share of the equity out of it.

Yeah? Well I want a lottery win and that ain't happening either.

You dont have to agree to the sale of the house if it is in joint names and to force a sale through the courts takes months, sometimes up to a year. Would that allow you enough time to get your accounts together for a mortgage? You could also appeal against his attempt to sell on the basis that you need to run your business and provide for your son, and a court may put in place something similar to a mesher order (happens after divorce where one parent stays in the matrimonial home until the youngest child hits 18).

I would hang fire on selling until you have had legal advice, just because he wants to do something doesnt mean that you should roll over and let him.

Getting legal advice Tuesday morning and I will be very clear of my rights then.

Good luck. I hate seeing how some people just railroad others when they are at their most vulnerable. And to make you unable to run your business is disgusting, is he going to be supporting you and your son to make up for it?! No, didnt think so.

I hope it goes well for you on Tuesday