Think my friend is being a bit spiteful and unkind behind my back

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But don't want to appear paranoid so I'm not sure what to do...

Been friends with A (not her real initial) for a couple of years. We actually live a few houses away from each other and our DCs attend the same school although are all different years and not close friends with each other. We're not super-close friends but I certainly consider her a friend and have always enjoyed her company.

Ever since my eldest DD started school there has been another woman, B, who has seemingly just never liked me; she's always been nice and bubbly with others but has always given one word answers when I've tried to have conversations with her and, well, just made it obvious that she doesn't like me, so I've just stopped bothering to try with her.

A's youngest child and B's youngest child both started school in September and are in the same class and are friends, and obviously A and B have struck up a friendship.

A has progressively since she became friends become more and more offhand with me. When we see each other she isn't as warm and friendly as she used to be towards me. I really couldn't put my finger on it but she just seems a bit cold and disinterested. A few times when I have been speaking to her at the school I've noticed that she has had eye contact with B at the same time and they've been smirking to each other. Earlier this week I was walking back from school talking to A and B drove past, beeped her horn really loudly and pulled a face, and A burst out laughing very loudly.

I know that those things all sound a bit petty but I am just picking up vibes that A doesn't seem to like me that much anymore, probably because B doesn't like me, and it makes me want to disengage with A, which I think I will start to do.

I was bullied at school by girls who behaved in that same passive aggressive way, pulling faces, giggling at random things and just being on and off with me, and to be honest I don't want to put up with it in adulthood too.

Am I being silly or is it worth taking notice of a hunch? How can I disengage with minimum fuss and without causing any upset or hassle?

They sound like a right pair of idiots. Just leave them to it and give them a wide berth.
You cannot change other people's behaviour, only your own.

Just don't bother with either of them. Smile with that fake smile and move one as quickly as possible.

Sorry this has happened to you, I don't get why some people are like this

No you're not being silly, it sounds like they're being dickheads

You have two options:

Ignore, stop hanging out with A and move on with your life

Or

Explain to A how you feel, that you're not as close as you used to be and you're wondering why. Do not mention B - if she really is a dick then A will go back to B and B will just accuse you of being jealous - focus on your friendship with A

Some girls at school were petty bullies and dickheads and many never grew out of it

The odd thing is that A still texts and suggests things to do or times to meet up. I've told her that I'm busy next week so can't meet as I just don't feel like meeting her and also I feel as though she and B will probably ridicule me together after she's met me.

Totally understand this situation and it is horrible. Has happened with me and a woman from school, we were so close and well now we're not. I'm ok but it was very hurtful at first. You do just have to try and disengage and pretend that you don't care.

A pair of immature twatish bullies! Disengage.

You don't have to do anything just stick to other groups or wave and keep walking. Then make the Easter holidays a natural break and thereafter be too busy to see A. I don't think I'd even talk to A about feeling uncomfortable or excluded. I get the feeling she knows perfectly well and it would only be gossip fodder for B later.

They sound awful.

Extract yourself immediately. They deserve each other.

Whether you're imagining it or they really are both 12, the key thing is that you're feeling uncomfortable.

Disengage with dignity and leave them to it.

There are far more interesting and lovely things to do and they are so insignificant in the long run.

Is it possible that there's some sort of mistaken identity thing going on... B's child tells her mum that "That Sarah in school said my trainers were rubbish" and your DC is also called Sarah and B assumed it was you... Sorry I didn't explain that very well but hopefully ykwim?

Either that or they're just a pair of cunts.

I tend to be a bit confrontational so I'd probably go up to B and ask her "do you have a problem with me?" and if she said no then ask "Then why have you got a face like a smacked arse?"

I don't see any evidence that "A" is being spiteful at all.

I think your animosity towards B has clouded your judgement.

Tryharder is wrong, friend A is being nasty, passive aggressive like you say. I think you have their behaviours spot on about this. They both seem a bit nasty. It's a shame that you'll lose a friendship but why have friends like that when you will end up feeling crap?

Don't be nasty to A or B, just disengage. You'll find other better friends.

It sounds like you're being Wendied. A may feel some guilt for ditching you in favor of B, but that doesn't stop her sucking up to B at your expense. Disengage. If B makes a habit of trying to single people out, sooner or later it will be A's turn to start feeling like crap.

Go with your instinct on this, I am in a similar position with an old friend at work, who is clearly enjoying excluding me and sharing jokes with others at my expense.

Ignore their game playing of these 2 school gate bullies. Smile breezily and involve yourself with other groups. They must have a really empty friendship and low self-esteem if they are bonded over sniggering behind your back.

Bloody hell, some people just never grow up, do they?

If I were you (and I have been in your position before and done this) I'd forget about both of them. Life is too short for this type of bullshit. Move on and distance yourself.

I'm sorry but A isn't your friend anymore. She's being bitchy with B.

It's not going to get better. She has shown her true (disloyal) colours to you.

You need to detach. Assume A is not someone you can trust again. Be polite but don't make any arrangements etc.

If you ask her about it, she will deny all knowledge. I wouldn't bother.

Theres always one, even as adults. We had a proper playground bitch at work and her behaviour brought out the worst in whoever was her current flavour of the month. She played manipulative games, was passive aggressive, childish, made you feel special then dumped you quickly for someone else, we could all see her doing it but no matter how hard you tried to keep her at arms length, she sucked you in.

She had massive fights with 3 of us in quick succession and left the organisation. Bitchy atmosphere gone.

I'd try really hard to distance yourself from A, i don't think you can trust people involved in this kind of friendship and until she sees B for what she is, she'll be sucked into this kind of teenage behaviour.

I think it sounds like the friendship ended a while ago.
I have things like this happen so I just let it go. People come and go you will find your true friends eventually.

Same thing happened to me a few years ago OP. In my case one friend got very passive aggressive and did the eye rolling thing when I spoke. Came to a head on a day out where she made no attempt to disguise her contempt for me.

I disengaged, took a complete step back. She contacted me a few weeks later, was I OK, why had I not been in touch etc. I saw her still on a social basis with others but we were never as close as I always thought given the opportunity she'd only stab me in the back again. Best thing I did was remove myself without explaining why. I simply sat back and watched the same thing happen to another woman she was friends with.

You're better off out of it and finding true friends.

Shortly after I posted earlier DH came into the living room and sat down in the chair with lots of dramatic huffing and puffing. I asked him if he was still in a bad mood and said that if he was I'd be going upstairs as I wasn't going to sit there and listen to that rubbish. He shouted "WIND YOUR NECK IN" then proceeded to lecture me on how I shouldn't start things with him if I didn't want him to have a go back??!!!!

I would love to do things like walk off when he's being like that, or go home in the car but he would divorce me if I did!

He is allowed to do as he pleases including be nasty to me but I don't seem to have the same rights unfortunately.

whoops sorry the above post is on the wrong thread!

Stupid pair of bitches. Still haven't left the play ground it seems. My dd had this happen to her when she was 6. My friends found s new friend and they won't play with me! But these are not 6 yeAr old babies. They're well allegedly grown women.
WSlk away better to have no friends than friends who treat you like shit.

People only ever get to do this to me once. After that I ignore them completely. Not unfriendly, just you don't exist for me anymore, it's very effective.

You've been given some excellent advice OP.

Life is too short to put up with this sort of thing and you

Just quietly disengage. When in the playground speak to others or be occupied with your phone. If A suggests meeting up probably because B is busy just say you are busy.

I think Cleannyhouse has put it very well.