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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Living in silence

10 replies

Lonelyboo · 20/03/2015 18:51

Hi all, this is my first post. I'm having trouble with my depressed husband. He's always suffered from depression and as much as I've tried to be understanding I'm at the end of my tether.

It took a long time in my relationship to realise that when he's in it he needs time alone. I understand his needs and try my best to leave him alone, but recently is so bad that he doesn't speak or acknowledge me for up to 2 weeks at a time. Literally comes in from work, doesn't acknowledge me and sits all evening in another room. We have no conversation, eat separately and he comes to bed without saying a word, and repeat.

I totally understand the need for space but am feeling more and more frustrated. He won't talk, just gets angry when I try to address it. I feel as though he's not there for me, offers no emotional support and show no interest in me or my life.

Any ideas on how to improve the situation. I love him dearly and don't want to leave him.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/03/2015 18:58

Is he seeking or having any treatment for the depression ?

Hassled · 20/03/2015 19:00

Just because you're depressed it doesn't mean you can behave like a twat. It's not a licence to make other people unhappy. It took me a while to learn this, but it's true.

Lonelyboo · 20/03/2015 19:02

He takes antidepressants but I don't think they are right for him, he's been on them years and won't go back for review. A few years ago he had a few therapist sessions but came away angry saying they were a waste of time!! He drinks every day and stays awake watching tv half the night. I do feel as though he's not helping himself and that gets me frustrated too

OP posts:
Lonelyboo · 20/03/2015 19:07

Hassled - I know that's what bothers me. It's his excuse for everything - I licence to do exactly what he wants, when he wants with no regard for anyone else!!

OP posts:
Lonelyboo · 20/03/2015 19:11

Years ago I use to try and 'fix him' thought I could 'love him better' but it never worked and always ended in a row. He would then give me the silent treatment for days. But now since I've stepped back and not give him any reason to argue he will still do it because he is depressed about things in his life that are totally out of control, and the silences get longer everytime. Sometimes he baits me into a row just so he can go into his silent treatment. It's as if it's a habit, he can't go more than a few days without having to check out, does that make sense?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/03/2015 19:13

If he refuses a medical review then this kind of behaviour would be a deal breaker for me

I would not live like this

Notmeagain1 · 20/03/2015 19:35

I agree with Any, I could not and WOULD not live like this. I hope you figure something out. Your quality of life must be complete hell.

Hassled · 20/03/2015 19:49

Is it possible he's just not a very nice man who also happens to be depressed? Don't let the two things get muddled.

kittenwrestler · 20/03/2015 19:55

Depressed or unreasonable, perhaps abusive drinker? I couldn't live with either if he is refusing to take steps to address his behaviours. Why do you think this is all you deserve? Sounds like a living nightmare really.

FinallyHere · 20/03/2015 20:02

We do all know that alcohol is a depressant, don't we.

Hope you find a life you can enjoy, xx

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