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Original poster

Are you friends with your sibs?

42 replies

shimmy21 · 29/10/2006 19:56

sorry if it's been done already. Reading guardian section on staying friends with your sibs when grown up has left me wondering. Myself, I'm an only and my biggest hope is that my 2 dss stay mates as grownups. They are so close now it would be tragic if they stop being friends as grownies.

So, those of you with siblings, looking back at your own childhood, is there anything your parents did or didn't do that helped you to be friends with your sibs or made it less likley?

OP posts:
tribpot · 29/10/2006 20:43

I am with my full-blood bro and step-sibs. My bro is less so with the others, I am more of the conduit, if you know what I mean. I also have a half-sis but she drives me round the bloody bend, so try not to see her.

My parents (i.e. mum and step-dad) have never played favourites, I'm sure that's helped. We don't necessarily have very similar lives but now that we all have kids it seems much more of a level playing field.

By contrast, dh never sees his bro or speaks to him at all, they cannot stand each other. Would be devastated if ds and future mini-trib ever ended up like that.

ShinyHappyPurpleSeveredHeads · 29/10/2006 20:45

Yes. We are close in a way and I understand her well these days (as opposed to when we were kids and I 'hated' her!). But she still does her thing and I do mine. And she's something of a selfish cow..

rosie79 · 30/10/2006 09:29

I have three sisters and we are all really close. They are my best friends, although I am closer to the one I see more often because I know her more. There are only two years between each of us so I think that helps as now as adults we are all of similar ages and the gap isn't really there. A also have a younger brother who we are all close too.

As children we did a lot of things as a family, spent months on end travelling around the world in often very harsh conditions, so we've experienced a lot together and that has helped I guess. We also all shared a room untill we were teenagers so don't know abou the comment that having own roon helps.

We argued a lot growing up, and still have heated debates and don't agree on a lot of things, but the love is strong and means we still get on really well together. I would do anything for my siblings and they would do the same.

shimmy21 I don't think there is anything specific that you can do to ensure they are close as adults, this will depend on their own relationship with each other and their personality, character, and experiences thaty atre out of your control anyway. Just love them equally and teach them respect for each other and do things with themas a family (which you're probably already doing!)

scarysuejonez · 30/10/2006 09:33

My sister and I barely spoke growing up - no bad feeling just a four year age gap and very very differnt interests.

Changed when I went to University and loosened up a bit and she became a nurse and calmed down a bit and hey presto! We met in the middle. We are now very close friends, which has grown over the years.

ghosty · 30/10/2006 09:39

Yes, I have 2 brothers and 1 sister. Less than 5 years between us. As children we played together and fought tooth and nail depending on the day/weather/circumstances. Being 4 we could all be together or split up into 2s ....
Now, as adults, I am friends with each in a very different way. Being the youngest I think it has been easier for me to be friends with them IYSWIM?
My brothers are v. close now but that has only been in the last 2 years or so ... were never enemies but just didn't have much of a relationship as adults since oldest DB left home.
Both brothers have a turbulent relationship with DSis ... not sure why really, but if the chips were down they would be by her side in an instant.
We are spread over the world (eldest DB in Malaysia, me in NZ, other DB and DSis in the UK) but I am in touch with my sister at least once a fortnight (at least an hour's phone call), DB once a monthish (a phone call in which I speak to him briefly and to his wife for an hour) and eldest DB at least once a week (rarely by phone, always by email or MSN .... )
My parents didn't do anything specifically except have us all close together and we did move around a lot so much of my childhood was just 'us' - no extended family or anything. We learned to be together, we learned to be there for eachother EVEN if we were hating eachother ....

munz · 30/10/2006 09:41

I don't think our mum/dad did anything inparticular, we were always talked with not at which was a big thing I think, alwasy taught to show each otehr respect etc and if we couldn't play nicely we wouldn't play iycwim. but for the most part I had some health issues when I was younger and was picked on by bro's older mates, which he didn't like so whilst he was often labeled as a trouble maker for fighting really he was just sticking up for me, which make me get defensive over him iycwim. also we were both included with our paretns we weren't seperated off, we did have one on one, but we were never favoured about the other really - well mum favoured DB a bit, dad me - however we knew how to work this to our advantage to an extent. as I'd get things for DB from dad and he's get stuff from mum for em - really quite norty I suppose! lol. all worked out thou - ooh and I hasve 2 older uncles who are only 7 years older than us so we were like one big family iycwim!

we went to the same schools, had more or less the same mates I was alway's X's sister, which was annoying, but in a way it was good cos it felt like I had more older brothers! lol. when I moved out I worked in butlins and he wanted to come as well - god know's why, anyhow I got him a job there, which was nice (althou he slept with my boss ) but we were still close even then.

our family in general is thou so I guess that helps as well

munz · 30/10/2006 09:42

(we also had a lot of days out for walks/to the beach and such and we didn't have computers or anything so we had to tlak/interact etc with each other)

CastsSpellsWitchySpells · 30/10/2006 09:46

No. I have one brother, and I'd be surprised if we spoke more than 2 or 3 times a year, mostly when our parents are staying here and want to speak to him.

He is self-centred and completely oblivious to the fact. I could give examples, but there'd be so many that my post would turn into a book.

I believe that my parents played favourites when we were children (and adults, come to that). They chose to send me to private school, so felt it only 'fair' to spend the same amount on my brother, but his share was spent on nice things for him.

He is also diabetic, and because mum felt guilty about this (it runs on her side of the family) he was able to get away with just about anything - all of his tantrums and horrible behaviour were put down to the fact that he had it (blood sugar levels can affect mood), whereas mine were put down to the fact that I was a horrible child.

Of course bro and I are perfectly pleasant to each other when we do speak/meet, as he is totally oblivious to all of this (and would list a string of excuses for everything if confronted).

Pages · 30/10/2006 14:18

Me and my sibs were good friends until recently. I am still good friends with one of them but have fallen out with the rest because of my mum's mixing. She has always pitted us against each other by badmouthing us to each other so that she remains Queen Bee. I would just say encourage your children to love each other and don't be envious if you get left out - and if you are upset with either of them don't involve the other one. Which I am sure you won't as you want them to be friends!

Pages · 30/10/2006 14:19

Also one of my brothers married a selfish self-centred cow, and me and him have never been the same since.

covenoveneer · 30/10/2006 14:22

I am fairly close to my sister. We were close as children but drifted apart when we left school. Not had much of a relationship for about a decade, but since both having children that has reignited the bond, (unfortunately geography prevents us from spending as much time together as we would like).

covenoveneer · 30/10/2006 14:22

I am fairly close to my sister. We were close as children but drifted apart when we left school. Not had much of a relationship for about a decade, but since both having children that has reignited the bond, (unfortunately geography prevents us from spending as much time together as we would like).

covenoveneer · 30/10/2006 14:22

I am fairly close to my sister. We were close as children but drifted apart when we left school. Not had much of a relationship for about a decade, but since both having children that has reignited the bond, (unfortunately geography prevents us from spending as much time together as we would like).

covenoveneer · 30/10/2006 14:23

Oops .

sassy · 30/10/2006 14:24

Yes.

BIg age gaps, (I'm 33, dsis 1 is 29, dsis 2 is 21) helps cos we hve no need to compete.

We don't have a Mum and when she died my Dad went to pieces so without each other we would all have been lost.

They are my greatest friends.

hotandbothered · 30/10/2006 15:12

I'm really close to my sister. But it's a special relationship - I don't think we'd choose each other as friends if we weren't related - we're very different really, but as sisters she's the best. We'd go to the ends of the world for each other.
I think our parents jsut expected us to get on so we did. There would have been hell to pay if we'd argued much

tooz · 30/10/2006 15:51

I have DB and DS. My sis is one of my best friends and I am close to bro but there is a bigger age gap. I have travelled in many different countries with them both.
My parents made it very obvious that they loved us all equally. I have never felt jealous of either of them, only very proud.
I don't think you can force a friendship between siblings just try to ensure that all your DC feel secure in themselves.

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