Ok I don't know where to turn for help. I hope you all won't judge but rather help out with solutions. So here goes...
I've bern married 10 years. I got married perhaps too soon after breaking up with the love of my life. I wasn't crazy about my husband sexually but I liked sex so I figured it would be fine. Well...within a year I stopped enjoying it. Within 2 years we pretty much stopped doing it. He would ask but I would just not feel motivated enough. Gradually he stopped asking and we just started snuggling. Then we had 2 kids (through medical means, I suspect coz we just didn't have enough sex). Kids are very young - both smaller than 3.
Anyway...in the last 7 years, I have had crushes constantly. Like I mean never has my mind been empty of an obsessive crush. It's always on a single man (perhaps coz I secretly "feel" single!) I constantly feel extremely lonely. 7 years ago when I developed the first one I took it very seriously. Dragged myself then my husband to counseling, even a sex therapist. Nothing worked. My husband is a different sort of man, doesn't believe marriage needs work, does believe I need work :) But anyway this isn't about him, it's about me. I used to feel terribly guilty earlier on but after he refused to "work" with me on this, I guess I simply got pissed.
About 5 years ago I tried to leave him but couldn't. I'm from a conservative culture and divorce is unheard of. I also live 9000 miles away from any family. So instead of divorce, I decided to "accept" my fate, and rather late in life, decided to have babies.
Anyway...now I have a huge crush again and it sucks coz it's probably unrequited (obviously!) But it's making me wonder....what if there really is something unfixable in my marriage?! I'm tired of "suffering" through unrequited love. Should I get out and give myself a chance to find something more fulfilling? Or is it just silliness? Just regular boredom of a long term marriage? If it's the latter, what can I do to fix it? I won't get much help from the husband btw.