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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Surviving stroke, now divorce and care and control of child

5 replies

Mimissy · 19/03/2015 23:42

I hope someone/anyone can shed some perspective on this family dilemma. 16 months ago a relation, aged 47, suffered a stroke. After nearly dying she was helped back to life by a fabulous NHS, husband and parents. She has been left, for the time being, with little movement on one side and very little verbal communication, although this improves steadily, and a year after the event she is now driving.

8 months after her stroke and still very much in rehabilitation her husband of 14 years announced that he couldn't cope and wanted out of the marriage. In a way, fair enough, but what has happened is that he has convinced the couple's 12 year old only child that her mother is not able to look after her, that the daughter is to live with him permanently, with only every other weekend visits with her mum. My suspicion is that he's taken this stance only because he wants to gain a larger proportion of the financial settlement - he's told the daughter that they will live in a 3 bedroom house and that mum will have to live in a smaller flat or with her parents.

Obviously solicitors have become involved and now CAFCASS - there was a preliminary hearing this week. What I can't understand is why is my relation facing losing complete care and control of her daughter just because of her stroke? If she had cancer, or any other illness, surely the court would not be considering anything other than the 50/50 arrangement which would be the starting point - my relation is 95% able to look after her daughter independently - she would only need a little help with tasks such as filling out forms, talking with teachers etc.

Is there anyone out there with any similar experience? As a family we can't understand how this 'man' has been able to create the impression that he is the only proper person to look after the daughter. And please believe me, there are no skeletons in the cupboard, my relation was a 'normal' very hard working, high achieving woman and her only 'crime' was suffering this devasting stroke.

OP posts:
fluffapuss · 20/03/2015 08:25

Hello Mimi

I dont see why the child cannot spend 50% time with each parent

It is sad that the couple split up, when it was a time when they should have been there to support one another

cestlavielife · 20/03/2015 08:30

It s been a "typical" situation the other way round for many dad's ...every other werkwnd. however starting point these days is 50 /50 depending on practicalities. At 12 the dd doesn't need hands on daily care so it will depend on school location etc.

Lonecatwithkitten · 20/03/2015 08:33

At 12 the DD can have quite a lot of say who she wants to be with when.

Missqwerty · 20/03/2015 21:41

As a stroke Is a form of disability and your relative is independent, it's very unlikely any court will discriminate and use the stroke against her. She will at least get 50-50 access. If the child requests to be with one parent more, that will be taken into consideration too

IAmAShitHotLawyer · 20/03/2015 22:34

At 12 she will be allowed to choose who to live with I think.

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