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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is this normal male behaviour?

33 replies

Ardha · 19/03/2015 18:43

I'm no expert, have lived with 3 men other than my dad.

If something isn't to my OH's liking he swears, or seems to blame me.
For example, today the washing machine was on when he was trying to wash his hair so I heard 'turn the f*ing tap off' coming from the bathroom.
Today he came home to say his boss had telephoned him shouting because he couldn't find where he had to go so my OH obviously has a boss similar to him.
On a good day I can ignore the comments, but, sometimes I can't and it drags me down. In fact, when he shouted at me because there was something wrong with the door latch I felt suicidal. Apparently the fault with the latch is my fault as I slam the door, in his opinion.
If the sink takes a long time to drain it must be because of something I have put down there.

Thats just the things I remember. I'm starting to keep track for counselling. If I can't change him then I need to be able to change or understand the effect this has on me.

But do other men behave like this?

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 20/03/2015 11:49

are you married? go see a solicitor find out where you stand in relation to finances and house. kids are at school - you could get a job and be free of him.

think of your DC suffering from his moods, treading on eggshells.

my exp used to get mad at me buying the wrong colour washing up liquid/stacking the dishwasher "wrong" etcetc...it's not a way to live.

hellsbellsmelons · 20/03/2015 12:14

You should also join This thread

Lweji · 20/03/2015 12:32

The times I do stand up and say, 'don't speak to me like that' do make a difference. But it is being able to do that, to realise when I should.

You shouldn't have to do this all the time. It's tiring.

SelfLoathing · 20/03/2015 12:37

Today he came home to say his boss had telephoned him shouting because he couldn't find where he had to go so my OH obviously has a boss similar to him.

The culture of an organisation is set from the top. If the boss is a bully and balls people out, there is a tendency for that to be passed down the chain. He may be taking it out on you as a way of dealing with his own work bullying. He sounds like an idiot.

AnyFucker · 20/03/2015 17:22

Remember that you are not his employee, nor is he the boss of you. He doesn't get to talk to you like that (not that I agree it is even ok from your employer...there are bullying and harassment laws that prevent it, which is kinda ironic)

Merguez · 20/03/2015 18:03

My dh gets shout if I disagree with him about something. It's horrible. Then accuses me of bullying him if I retaliate. And if I ask him not to speak to me like that he says it's my fault for making him angry.

AnyFucker · 20/03/2015 18:27

Then he is a twat

Wackadoodle · 20/03/2015 18:44

I agree with Fenella. I don't think this is even behaviour particularly associated with maleness over femaleness, let alone "normal male behaviour". It's just behaviour that a minority of people of both genders exhibit, due to immaturity, sense of entitlement or whatever. I've known a few people like it. I currently know one man very much like it, to the chagrin of his long suffering wife. But then I've also had a couple of (female) partners like it myself.

If you're finding this a pattern in partners you have been with, then there may be something drawing you to such people, and you might benefit from analysing what it is. Or you may just have been unlucky.

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