FWB? Driving me mad!

[Taytocrisps101]

Ok so first time post....will try to keep it short! Got together with friend of a friend about 6 weeks ago at drunken birthday party...before anything happened we had a conversation where I explained my situation. I am recently divorced after 14 years with a child so not much free time but anyway...end of the night I kissed him and he ended up coming back to mine for nearly sex! Bit reckless of me but I have known him for a while and always thought he seemed a nice guy. In the morning he took my number and texted that evening...basically we have seen each other every weekend and I have stayed at his twice. Texts in the week, sometimes flirty and sometimes just how was your day. Sex is fantastic and he is very considerate...I am really enjoying it! I saw him on Sunday briefly and we DTD at my instigation... I am rampant around him! Texted him then Sunday and said look, I don't know what this thing is we have got going on but I love it! All quiet til Tuesday evening when I texted him just chatty hello...had a reply, got back to him but nothing since (we are usually in touch a few times a day) So, have I scared him off? Is he bothered? I am really very happy to keep things as they are but don't know whether to just lay my cards on the table or play it cool and leave him contact me. It's been so long since I have done anything like this ...help!

When you say you've 'seen each other every weekend' has this been going out on actual dates, or staying in to have sex?
It's hard to guess what's going on here, not sure if either of you has actually said you only want FB/FWB from it or even if it's been discussed.

Personally, I would never take a random home for sex if I had DC in the house.

But there you go.

We have seen each other every weekend but not gone out...just stayed in, cooked dinner together and had sex! He's not a random...I have known him for a few years as a friend of a friend and my child was not in the house...I would never do that!

You aren't fwb are you? You're in the early stages of dating / shagging with the hope that it will lead to a relationship.

Personally, I can't see where op mentions the DCs were at home the night she brought the FWB home.

But there you go.

You've texted him a couple of times so I think you should wait. I know it's hard, but if he's interested, he will come back to you.

I certainly don't think you should lay your cards on the table as that stinks of desperation. Stay cool and keep calm. Easier said than done I know, but you have to stay calm for the sake of your own dignity and self respect.

Thanks for all advice so far....I am well aware of how ridiculous I sound...I am nearly 40 ffs! Just been so long I don't know how these things go. Will chill a bit and keep hold of my dignity! ??

He may have thought you were getting "heavy" just because you shared a pleasant text with him! I think you should leave the ball in his court and make sure that if he does get in touch its not just for a shag, unless of course you can handle that. Good luck.

The fella maybe saw the word love and misinterpreted how you meant it. I know exactly what you mean by that. Have a choice really don't play text tennis, ring him or let him wait. You're just out of a marriage,make it black and white (man speak)that you're happy to continue as things are. Might be worth asking about what his love life and history has been like.

Out of interest has he given you an idea what he's after? I really would talk to your friend see if they can shed any light. Can feel like being back at school but i don't see why you should be left hanging his silence does sound a bit ominous.

I think he wanted sex and not a relationship. Your 'loving it' text scared him off. Move on..find someone who actually wants to have a relationship.

All good advice! Seems silly that it's over due to a confusion over semantics but I am not chasing him. If he gets in touch I will tell him what I want (FWB) as I don't think from what I know about him that he is really relationship material anyway. It's been a learning experience ...I had a lovely time and no regrets....just can't be doing with all this uncertainty! Next time I will be upfront about what I expect and proceed with caution! Onwards and upwards!

I had a similar experience. I was seeing someone who complained they felt they were doing all the running. I never phoned him blah blah. So I rang and guess what? He started to back off as I had was getting "heavy" in his view! ?? Waste of head space!

Hmm does sound like he's misconstrued your text as something heavier than was intended.

Isn't it funny how someone always has to come on and stick their two penneth in when it has nothing to do with the OP's post. Iflyaway why don't you be a love and do just that.

That's the trouble with these FWB situations, they nearly always end up frustrating you. Personally I think he is being very rude, you text basically telling him the sex was great and he ignored you. You've texted again and now he's not getting in touch, seriously, put him to the back of your mind and let him do some running. I'm old fashioned I suppose but I think a man should at least take you out before getting the main prize.

Fwb only work if you both want the same thing & are clear about it from the start. I'd leave him for now & see if he comes back to you-if not then move on but be very clear what you want next time.

I don't know, perhaps you have confused the guy. You say straight up you want FwB and then text "I don't know what this thing is we have got going on but I love it!"

Notice, here you have said "I don't know what this thing is" that is because you really don't know what it is or you don't really know what you want. Either you are not being honest with yourself, you can't do FwB without it feeling like something else, want it to feel like something more, perhaps even become something more, or you have lied to yourself and you really can't do sex without it being in a relationship, even though you have tried to convince yourself otherwise. Confused??? I suspect he is too and that is why he has gone a bit quiet.

Leave him be, he will do one of two things: ring when he wants a shag, even if that is weeks from now, or he will do the decent thing and stay away because he doesn't want to hurt a confused woman. If its the latter, its up to you but once the water gets muddy its best to pull the plug!

Update! Just had text apologising for not being in touch he has been busy with work and asking how I am....think we need to have an honest conversation about where we both stand and will think carefully about how to proceed....with caution, for a start! Thanks for all the advice...glad I didn't chase. Blooming steep learning curve but learnt a few valuable lessons!