My dear friend was raped last autumn and has reported it to the police. The investigation is ongoing. She's a single mum with two DDs (12 and 14) and has tried to prevent them from picking up on any of what she's going through, but DD2 is particularly sensitive and has been asking questions which suggest she knows more than DF realised. There is so much wisdom and experience on this board - does anyone have advice on where to go from here? It's so hard. Half-knowing can be distressing for the DC, I know, but the implications of telling them even a little more of what is happening are so far-reaching. So far DF has reassured DD2 that she is fine, without giving any more information.
A bit more information:
The man in question is someone the DDs know from church. DF had got to know him as a friend and the relationship was starting to progress further. He still appears at church some Sundays.
DF has told a handful of local friends what he did, but there are lots of other people (local church and family members, for example) who she wouldn't want to know. So if she gave the DDs more information she would be taking them into her confidence and asking them not to break it. Is that a fair thing to ask of them? Does ensuring they have one or two "safe" people to talk to about it make it more ok?
Horrifically, this not the first time this has happened to DF. She was very ill with complex PTSD a few years ago as a result of an earlier experience, and the DDs father was an abusive narcissist who DF escaped from and divorced when the DDs were tiny, and who the DDs know relatively little about. (A few of you may recognise my nickname and remember DF's story - she's a longtime MNer but has asked me to post this for her, partly because the R-word itself causes her distress.) She very much does not want to tell the DDs anything about the original trauma, but one or two local friends do know about it, and it may be referred to if this current investigation makes it to court.
Also wondering:
What might the emotional impact be for them (as girls, at this age) of knowing what has happened to their mum?
Is it unwise to let them know about the police investigation while it is ongoing, and while there is a possibility (however slim) of a court case to follow?
Does DF feel equipped to cope with whatever questions the DDs might have if they know more?
If you have read this far, thank you. I am so, so sad and angry for my poor gentle, brave friend, and grateful for your thoughts.