Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

And the point of having a partner is?

17 replies

littletikes · 29/10/2006 16:56

is it just to bring the money home?
I have to teach/tell my partner how to play with the children, change nappies, disapline,talk, read, take them out etc every time he is home. So i am trying to teach everyone.. i really do not see the point.. I am sure most will say love. But love goes if you are doing everything, right?

OP posts:

NappiesGalore · 29/10/2006 17:07

well yes, it might go on holiday for a bit if you feel you are doing eveything.

you have to talk to him. explain how you feel. even if it causes a row (and you can try to avoid that by delicate wording. or not, as you see fit) you have to get the problem out in the open. otherwise the love really will die.

know what you mean, btw. (sometimes, i mean. i dont feel my love has died - just for clarity!)

Judy1234 · 29/10/2006 17:41

Why can't he do those things? Most men manage it as well as women in my experience. How can anyone not change a nappy if they hands? The secret is usually not to show anyone anything. Leave them trusted to do it in their own way even if it isn't your way. He may in fact have a better way.

Original poster

littletikes · 29/10/2006 18:03

Yes that what i thought. All of my friends have what they say to be great partners. But if you think that going out in the pouring rain without a coat on or boots, or changing a nappy and only using one wet one - when they have done poos is exceptable then i am talking rubbish and i am not alone. Sorry to sound off but i have told him how i feel for the last 3 years and he will only do things in a really non caring way. Thought about leaving him but his careless attitude towards things, i feel that my children will not walk back through the door as they will be run over. As he too will not hold their hands and i have a very hypper child which you have to watch all the time. he also can not deal with two, always leaves one out. SO much more to say but not enough time and emotion left in me.

OP posts:

Original poster

littletikes · 29/10/2006 19:46

Do i take it that my last comment was i was being too fussy or such like .... ????????

OP posts:

FioFio · 29/10/2006 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Judy1234 · 29/10/2006 19:51

Trouble is if you do split up you will be doing that on your own so it won't be better. I was left on my own with all 5 of them.
Not sure - I let my child and 6 friends get soaked to the skin playing football in the rain last weekend at a party and they had a great time but depends on age and robustness of the child.

Original poster

littletikes · 29/10/2006 20:07

Age is 2.6 & 1.6. what about the non caring attitudes, the non safety attitudes, no dicipline and the bum area infections (my childminder nvq3 etc also said it was really important for infections later on in life)etc

OP posts:

Judy1234 · 29/10/2006 21:36

That's very little. Can't someone he trusts have a quiet word with him about it? Sometimes parents have different attitudes and standards and neither is right and it's great for the child to be introduced to both eg one is a risk taker and the other a protectionist but it sounds like he is not much use.

NappiesGalore · 29/10/2006 21:39

PMSL Fio

Original poster

littletikes · 30/10/2006 21:09

sorry to go on again about this. didn't really fully understand Xenia.
People do tell him but if he does not want to listern he will not/ or will say they are talking crap...

OP posts:

dolally · 30/10/2006 21:16

did he not really want to be a father? Is he kind of sulking but doing it all but doing it badly?

Original poster

littletikes · 30/10/2006 21:21

He says he did/does. HE just finds it hard to think (i think). I really do not know, but all i know is i cant stand it.

OP posts:

dolally · 30/10/2006 21:31

He does sound useless... you might find you just have to take on the extra responsibility of having a dp that you can't trust with the tiny kids... awful I know. You might find he's better once they grow up a bit and become more interesting to him... selfish git!! I've got one of those!

Original poster

littletikes · 30/10/2006 21:40

So how have you coped. I do not have family and my friends are so in love with partners, they do not want to get involved etc.

OP posts:

dolally · 30/10/2006 21:46

I think you just have to accept that sometimes, the way they do it is not necessarily wrong, you're maybe just a very cautious mother hen,.. difficult I know. Also that's just the way he's made, so you put up with it... or of course.. you break up! My dh works very hard, and sometimes I feel like a single parent but what the hell. No I don't have much help but I did have nursery ( and a part time job which definately saves your sanity) Good luck and lots of love!

Original poster

littletikes · 31/10/2006 11:48

Surely there must be other people that are also very cautious with splitting with partners who is useless with young ones (as quoted). If you split with that partner, are you not worried that the lack of care their have in looking after your children SAFELY and them not getting run over or abducted or something like that. Is that not more of a hgh priority. I am sure most would just say, i am grateful for the break from the kids. I also know people who allow there kids to be taken by there fathers and are left alone in the parks all afternoon at a young age, whilst the dads are doing something else. Surely a break from the kids does not diserve this. They will be quick to blame the partners if they were attacked though. This is not me being overprotective, it is the difference from right and wrong, having children and really wanting to have children and be bothered to take care of them.

OP posts:

BuffysMum · 31/10/2006 12:27

My oly suggestion is that you get him to do the housework whilst you do the kids. Make it his choice if possible. He may be much better when they are older, my dp does not like babies and is not good at certain things but he does try etc. At least if he does the housework etc and does it badly it does not matter as much. You are in a tought situation I really don't have any practial suggestions that may be of use.

Flip