DH is stressed..what do i do?

[hermykne]

his work, his last trip abroad, his work environment, the dynamic at worked has changed since he started there.

so today hes all het up, we argue becuase i ask him to clean up the spilt water and he says to ds (2) you do it and i just say can u please do it and save the lecture to the 2yr old, he doesnt do it properly - theres still a puddle under ds s leg and i say typical you never do it properly, thus sparks comment oh yeah miss perfect... blah di blah.

i come back from shop and ask him to put cinderella on for the kids, as i have shopping bags, he says why whats wrong with you?

so i give out very little sympathy for anyone who talks to me like that - dont you agree.
and suggestions i make about his work are all derided and you dont know "how maxed out i am" is what i get.
so where do you start.
btw he tells me the nice bottle of perfume he gave me this morning has been forgotten about 8 hours later - what does he want a thank oyu every hour? he bought the kids presents and he shouldnt have as dd has just had her birthday, a bag of jellies would have been enough like i told him.

men please advise

Not sure about advice, but I can give you sympathy - have a stressed out dh too, although in my view that is no excuse for not helping. Wanted to murder mine last night when he made a fuss about being asked to wash up, which included emptying the remnants of something from pan to bin, which to a bloke is impossible without someone to hold the bag open, apparently. The fact that I was soothing a teething infant and not helping him really wound him up. He then clattered pans around, and eventually stomped off because he expected to be lavished with praise ... Ggggggrrrrrrr! Not giving him any more sympathy - one of these days I'm going to go out for a couple of hours leaving dd with him, and expect food on the table when I get back, just to see how he copes.

roskva, we're getting somewhere, got a mate to call him and its kinda worked.

'I do understand that you're stressed, and I want to give support, but it's hard for me to do that while you are taking out your frustration on me. It's grinding me down, and making it impossible to sympathise. Surely if we worked together to build one another instead of sniping, we'd both be better placed to deal with your stress as a partnership? I can't keep our home as a haven and antidote to your stressful job if you come in here full of attacks and criticism. Why don't you sit down with me for a while and have a moan about your work, let off a bit of steam and help me to help you feel heard and understood.'

Maybe he needs to learn to relax more. My DH is also in a very responsible job, travels extensively & works about 70 hours pwk on average. He used to have a terrible temper, but now meditates every evening before bed for about an hour, and he's a different person, very laid back and relaxed. He almost never raises his voice about anything now.
Maybe you could suggest to your dh that he tries one of the alternative therapies, eg acupuncture or meditation, or that he gets more exercise, which should make him more relaxed.
Or, if you have time (and I appreciate that with a little one, you may not), perhaps you could offer to give him a back massage?

Farm LO's out to a relly overnight, cook favourite tea or go out for a nice meal, watch a film you know you'll both enjoy/laugh at

oh goodness thank you guys for those really positive ideas, thanks so much,