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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

meeting family so soon into relationship??

23 replies

dippyd123 · 19/03/2015 10:09

Hi there I posted last week regarding a new relationship Im in only 2 weeks. Cut a long story short was supposed to be seeing him Friday night for a date (was going to cook for him at mine) and hes been intouch to say hes really sorry hes supposed to be at his cousins 40th and had forgotten but would I be happy to join him.

Is there any harm in it? We are supposed to be taking it slow. It will be the only time can see each other due to our children. Ive explained I wasnt sure but hes said well my mum is dying to meet you but he understands if I dont want to. Im pretty nervous around new people so worrying now what to do

Thanks for reading XX

OP posts:

PandorasToyBox · 19/03/2015 10:21

Why not? You are not announcing an engagement, it's just a get together/party and it will give you a chance to see his family dynamics at play.

pocketsaviour · 19/03/2015 10:30

If it's a party then yes I would go. It's less intense than a whole "meet the parents" dinner party deal.

gemdrop84 · 19/03/2015 10:35

Well, I ended up meeting a guy's mum and sister, we were meeting up for a drink for our third date and they were there and had joined him. I was frantically texting friends saying it's too soon, I don't know if I want to go...9 years later and we're happily married!! I can understand you feel nervous but as already mentioned it's a party so it will be less intense than just meeting them on their own.

ihatethecold · 19/03/2015 10:37

I met my DH's family on our 3rd date.
It was at his sisters BBQ.
Had a lovely time.

shovetheholly · 19/03/2015 10:48

Go for it! I don't think meeting the family entails any greater commitment between the two of you really, particularly in this kind of big group social situation, and it certainly doesn't mean you can't still take things slowly if you want to. I met DH's brother very early on in our relationship because he came to stay at DH's house for a weekend that had been arranged for some time, and it was fine.

Original poster

dippyd123 · 19/03/2015 16:52

Aww thank you for replies I am going to go for it. Fed up of pussy footing around things all the time.

I think it just worried me a bit that his mums dying to meet me I havent even told my family about him although not particually close anyway. Just thought aswell may be too soon as hes not long since split from ex something which lead me to ask advice on last week and not sure how well his family got on with her or anything. Think i am just reading too much into things x

OP posts:

Bonsoir · 19/03/2015 16:55

He's obviously smitten

The ball is in your court - in your position I would grab the opportunity to size up his family in a relatively low cost situation!

Binklesback · 19/03/2015 16:59

I wouldn't read anything in to it either way - he's got a do to go to which clashes with the date you'd made at the only time you can both see each other so he's made the logical step of combining the two. No biggy. Go and enjoy

Binklesback · 19/03/2015 17:00

(Maybe his mums just uber nosy !!)

weedinthepool · 19/03/2015 17:02

Is this the guy who was with his ex and dc's weekends only until very recently or am I getting confused?

Original poster

dippyd123 · 19/03/2015 17:12

yes dont have any other men in my life atm apart from sons :) x

OP posts:

Original poster

dippyd123 · 19/03/2015 17:21

Bonsoir - So do you think he sounds smitten? My friend seems to think so too and apparently been telling everyone at work about me

OP posts:

YellowTulips · 19/03/2015 17:38

I'd take it as a good sign about his thoughts about you.

It's just a party and better to meet his family in this sort of informal setting than round for Sunday Dinner Interrogation!

Your kids aren't impacted either - so no issues there.

I'd definitely go (and use the excuse to buy a fab new dress)

Bonsoir · 19/03/2015 17:39

If he can't stop telling everyone about you, he is most definitely smitten!

YellowTulips · 19/03/2015 17:41

Sounds smitten to me

Go and have a great time!

weedinthepool · 19/03/2015 17:45

Hmm, I would say it's a bit strange that his mum is dying to meet you and you are going to meet his family. Given that last week you were getting messages from his upset ex calling you a homeworker and kicking off, so his family will more than likely know his relationship with his ex was all over the place but are happy to invite you into the family fold so soon? It's all a bit odd that he and his mum are rushing to include you. It wouldn't necessarily be a red flag if he'd been single for a while but I would say it is given he's just stopped sleeping with the mother of his children.

weedinthepool · 19/03/2015 17:47

Home wrecker! Not homeworker! I'm not saying you are at fault Op but I think you are right to be cautious.

Original poster

dippyd123 · 20/03/2015 06:43

Sorry to sound nieve? What would the red flag be?

OP posts:

PeaceOfWildThings · 20/03/2015 06:58

Red flags could be that he's on the rebound and still isn't over his ex. That he (and his mum) doesn't feel comfortable on his own and is desparate for someone (anyone) to fill the gap. He can't cope with the idea of being single. Not happy with his own company of pulling his own weight? That his mum rules his like and is too close for comfort?

Yes go to the party! Meet his mother. Find out how much she does for him week to week, how much they see each other and talk to each other.

Isetan · 20/03/2015 11:28

Oh dear, this is the man with the 'unstable' Ex. Jump in with both feet if you want but for such a relatively new relationship two week bunk-up, meeting his family is bit much if 'supposedly' you want to take it slow.

Original poster

dippyd123 · 22/03/2015 10:57

Hello well thank you for advice. I did go was very nervous but met "m" before hand for a drink and we went to the wmc together. Im so glad I went had a top night very hungover yesterday but morning of fun seemed to cure it :).

Didnt pick up on any "red flags" met his parents and his sister brother in law and nieces aswell as a few other family members all seem pretty nice and welcoming. I actually realised went to school with a cousin of his so I spent a lot of night chatting to her and catching up meeting for lunch over Easter with her so in all had a fab evening glad I went and dont quite know why I worried so much xx

OP posts:

Isetan · 22/03/2015 12:11

You said in an earlier thread that you wanted uncomplicated, being called out for being a home wrecker by the Ex of a man you've been seeing for two weeks and meeting his extended family, hardly qualifies.

I hope all goes well, I really do but you should really think about defining your boundaries because you can't enforce what you don't acknowledge.

Original poster

dippyd123 · 22/03/2015 12:21

I know I did im still unsure where it will lead but I spent all week missing him and txting and skyping etc and I have had a very big change of heart I know more fool me comes to mind but just gonna try and have as much fun as possible and try and stay out of the other stuff x

OP posts:

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