How do you know when it's over

[MrsGiraffe12]

Basically that....

Me and DH argue more than we are happy, he doesn't respect my parenting style and goes against my wishes (and I guess I disrespect that also). He keeps saying about the house and how it wasn't for him id have no where to live. And we have had sex once in 16 months. We don't even try anymore.

Yet I still love him. But on the flip side, can't bare the thought of things staying like this and never changing or getting worse. I've suggested councelling, we chat and things are ok for a few weeks then back to this again.

How do you know when it's time to end the relationship?

You can show your kids a better way by putting a stop to this relationship. You can show them that being treated like a second class citizen in a marriage is not okay.

I've been there and got out, OP. You can do it too.

I got out too. Away from a nasty piece of work like yours . Leaving was hard. Getting on with life without him is easy because there was nothing good about it or him.

It's bloody hard. I felt like this 18 months ago when I had a long drawn out missed miscarriage (took a month and 4 scans and an erpc). He never once came to hospital with me for that.
I naively put it down to grief and when we had our youngest I had a really tough labour and afterwards he told me I embarrassed him by crying, screaming, swearing and saying "I can't". 37 fucking hours!!!

Only now am I realising this isn't the behaviour of someone in love. He's with me because it's convinient, and easy and expensive to leave, I'm sure of it now

It isn't the behaviour of someone in love, you're right.

I'm so sorry. You're on your own in this relationship. It makes sense to start getting your ducks in a row. Start by looking into how the finances may work. This should give you a bit of confidence. You'll get tax credits, council tax benefit, and he'll have to pay maintenance. When you go back to work would you be able to pay the mortgage alone? Find out if the house will need to be sold.

I already know we would have to sell the house if/when we spilt. I looked into this previously when we were having problems, it's all due to the fact his family have money invested in it.

I only work part time so couldn't afford rent alone. I need to find out if I'm entitled to housing benefit if our house is still ours / on the market x

Do your research, OP, see a solicitor. If he won't respect you, you'll have to respect yourself and start a better future without him. Your kids need you with your self esteem intact.

They do. I've told him we need to talk after work tonight. Hopefully it goes well

Well OP, I was thinking I was in the same position until I saw your last few posts...

My DH and I barely talk and are now sleeping in separate rooms. BUT he isn't cruel and we are completely equal in finance and also in the parenting of our DD. I am not bothered about sex at all. The only time I feel up for it is about one day a month when the relevant hormones kick in. When we were TTC number 2 (which consequently never happened) we were DTD all the time and NO having more doesn't make you want it more, I was so grateful when that period of the month was over.

I daydream about being swept off of my feet by someone else, but the thought of breaking my DD's heart by DH and I splitting up would stop me every time. DD is a really happy, confident and secure little girl and I want it to stay like that. My DFather had an affair when I was 14 (I was second eldest of 5 DCs) and they argued all the time. But I wouldn't have wanted them to split up and they didn't. They're OK now.

But your DH is different. If mine behaved like yours and said the things he says, I would have left. But actually DH is good to me and DOES love me. I love him too, but it's certainly more of a friendship than anything else. The only thing we have in common is our love of our DD and the fact that we never want her to come from a broken home.

Oh, good luck for tonight Giraffe. It does sound like a very difficult relationship where he rarely has anything nice or supportive to say. Does sound like a slit might be for the best to me. But I agree it can be hard to make these judgements. However he's said some awful things - not sure I could forgive/ over-look the lack of support at key times. And his general attitude ie. to the house and finances and sex life all seems pretty crap!