I posted here about a year ago and got loads of bad comments because of my inherent flaw of writing before organising my thoughts which led to me coming off as quite bad. Some people noticed that I was not taking a breath in writing and told me to sort my thoughts but others did not.
Now I can finally write a full story..more for myself and the benefit of those who had similar issues.
At the time I posted I had just been left, without a word in the middle of the night. Now I know what happened.
We were due to marry after having been together almost two years. It was my first longer relationship and I was naive, just as he was.
There were numerous signs for ending the relationship but I fell in love with the idea of getting married and he was as such a good guy. I thought his incapability of getting things done, his lack of support (I will get a job...I will do the dishes...neither ever happened) and his controlling mother were just small things, after all I have flaws myself. I thought ok, so he brings out your hot temper (which is swearing mainly quite loudly) that you ahd under control but that is something that you need to work on.
So the wedding planning went on. His mother and I got along until the day of our engagement where she turned around completely. SHe stomped off crying and he spent the entire day comforting her and ignored me completely. Now don;t get me wrong I did not want the full attention, but leaving me on a bench to run after his mom swearing he will love her always and I am merely an addition and then promising to spend the rest of the day with her was a bit much. From then on she targeted me, subtly, but steadily. Why should her son work? He needs to work for her company, as they are giving him some money (they pay him way less than he needs, so a job in this country would have been better). For them it was a lot of money as they live in a different country, but if he had taken a part time job here and not done the company work he could have lived easier and they would have had the money. She tried to make him move out, she told me break up until he is done then if life wants you meet again etc
There was loads of this, including vicious remarks and constant lying.
I asked him in every step if he wants to postpone the wedding due to his mothers resentment for it, he kept saying no, including on the day he left.
Then, one day after a tasting, I had troubles at work and was a little low, he suggested I join him in travelling up north, I did, he fell asleep at the steering wheel (he claims he saw a deer which is and remains a 50% possibility according to police) and we crashed into a tree. I got badly injured and he got away with a scratch. From then on everything went downhill. While I was in intensive care, he was with a priest and contacted a hotel for refund (a deposit i had paid). he neither informed my nor his parents. it wasn't until 3 days later when I finally came round to be semi aware of the world that he skyped his parents and they freaked out. They flew over upon my invitation as I felt he needed the support. They supported him and made me feel lousy for being depressed. Telling me how nasty I am for crying as I am taking their baby feel bad. The priest also fuelled this by saying I could have died but I didn;t there si no reason to be depressed (I could not deal with the scar, my grandmother was dying as I found out on day 5 and my mom was diagnosed with cancer it was plain too much). I as ridiculed for not being able to get back into a car. But ended up being doped to get back home.
When we arrived at our home, I found out he had locked my babies (2 loving dogs) in the house for 2 weeks, without walks, and in the last 2 days they were locked in the garage without anything. Terpentine and all was around and chewed. The police and RSPCA were called by concerned neighbours and I was in shock. I was not very fit but was told not to take time off work because their son needs to not work and should not have to make up for my laziness. My little dog got hung from a lead and wasn't aloud to sleep she had to sit sleeping it broke my heart. Fights with the parents who believed the dogs had to live in the garden or garage ensued. His mother exploded, got very very nasty he witnessed it and escorted her out.
A week later he ran away in the middle of the night, leaving me without food, money and any clue what was going on. he never payed rent, hadn;t paid bills in 6 month, never paid for the wedding, the pain, the car, the insurance or any other costs, never paid for the damages to the house the dogs caused when locked in and claimed he was abused by me ( I had exploded upon finding out a myriad of lies including parents, the dogs, the job and so on, got an astham attack asked him to leave and when he didn;t grabbed his arm to push him out the door so I could breathe).
Over the last year I found out the numerous lies he had told to all sorts of people, not only didn;t the neighbours know they were supposed to take care, he never paid them their expenses. He made up accounts in my name but never told me so I never knew who suppliers were (his one job in the house was bills). He never looked for a job, he never wanted the wedding but couldn't say no as he does not like to disappoint people. The leaving was long term planned while i was in hospital.
Now, I can walk, my dogs are healthy and well and I have met a guy who tells me when he does not like things i do and we actually communicate. ALl the lies and damages are halfway repaired and while I lost 1 year getting over the accident I am so much happier for it.
So if you ever are in a situation where you feel you are in hell, everything crumbles and you turn to the internet for help, think before you write, get it all out and hope that whatever happens will ultimately be for the better!
Sorry for the long post i needed to get this off of my chest as it has damaged me quite a bit.