Why am I not able to do more to dh when we have sex?

[dozenandone]

I have been with dh for 14 years and we have 2 dc. I love and fancy dh very much and we have a good, close relationship. I feel able to talk to him about everything and we regularly talk about what is good or not so good in our relationship so tensions do not build up often. We have sex regularly (3-4 times a week) which is great and pretty fulfilling I always orgasm etc., etc., however, this is where the slight issue lies. For some reason I am not able to do the things I would like to dh. During the day I think I will give dh a blow job, try a new position etc, but when it comes round to it I get a sort of mental block and cannot seem able to give things a go. I would love to work out what is stopping me. I had one sexual partner before dh and there was more foreplay but sex was not so good. With dh there is less foreplay but better sex.

Do you want to do these things or feel you should?

It sounds like you have good communication, so could you mention your ideas earlier in the day. That way your dh has the fun of the expectation and you don't have to worry about initiating something different mid sex?

Do you feel in control during sex? That would be my worry, that you maybe aren't getting enough say.

Do you want to do these things or feel you should?

It sounds like you have good communication, so could you mention your ideas earlier in the day. That way your dh has the fun of the expectation and you don't have to worry about initiating something different mid sex?

Do you feel in control during sex? That would be my worry, that you maybe aren't getting enough say.

I feel similar to you, OP, and coincidentally we've also been together for 14 years and have 2 DC (!)

For me, there's a bit of a mental block because I doubt my sex appeal and perhaps lack self-esteem at times.

I'm at home with the kids 90% of the time, and find it hard to switch from thinking like "mummy" and think like a sexual woman.

Does that make sense?

Not sure if you're the same, but thought it was worth throwing it out there.

I'm the same too,
In my head Im a sex goddess.

I've even spoken to dh about spicing things up but he wouldn't be very forward either. He is happy with vanilla sex , I'd like a bit more spice.

Could you try advance texting him ?

"Hi, H. I have no knickers on"

or summat like that where you kinda have to follow through or look silly

might take the mild embarrassment out of the situation

The first question is whether you actually want to do the things you have in your head, or whether you just feel you ought to do them & then chicken out.

If you don't really want to do them, then there's no reason you should.

But if it's not that, and you do really want to do other things, know that you'd enjoy them, and it's simply self-consciousness, inhibitions or shyness holding you back, then a bit of dutch courage might help...

Have you talked to him about what he might like?

because you like sex more and everything else seem boring?? ? hey, you said it :)

anyway, maybe it is because you are shy about because he doesn't ask for it? I am used to guys asking me, but I rarely ask them. So in a way, it is my problem too.

It's really great to read your replies. I think I definitely struggle with going from Mum to sexual woman and haven't been in that mode for a while now. I think it's because of this I have lost confidence in myself in that way. How do you get it back? I still really fancy dh but rarely feel gagging for a shag! I'd love to have that feeling again.

I wish I had your marriage.

I think more talk / encouragement / feedback in the bedroom would help.

I love it when you ....