How can I meet somebody?

[wengle]

Have changed from my usual use name.

I've been single for 5 years and I've been very happy being on my own in that time. It's been tough though my ds who is 6 yo has fairly complex special needs and I've been diagnosised with a chronic illness in that time. My symptoms really vary but I get very tired due to a combination of my illness and the extra demands my son places on me.

But I am really beginning to miss having someone special in my life and am starting to feel ready to meet someone new. But I don't have any idea how it will ever come about due to the circumstances mentioned above?

I've only ever had two relationships, both long term and they evolved out of friendships/knowing each other in other circumstances so I've never done dating as such. This puts me off online dating as I don't know how to date!

I'm sole lone parent so don't get any evenings and weekends off but am currently sahm due to the extent of caring for my ds.

Help! How can I ever meet someone?

Hi Wengle, I don't have any advice for you (although you don't have to worry, this site and it's members are brilliant for advising/helping people) but just wanted to say I hope you find someone.

It's hard being lonely, having someone to talk about your day. I parted from my wife a while ago. We married young (19 and 17) and stayed together for nearly 37 years. So it's been really strange being on my own.

Sorry, don't mean to detract from your question.

Just be careful of responses from anyone wanting to meet you. You don't know them from Adam so be cautious when responding to messages, especially if they're PMs.

Good luck.

Hi wangle. Am in a similar position. My nine year old is severely autistic. My family are based hundreds of miles away in Scotland. One of my grown up daughters is a working married mom and the other is away finishing her last year at university. So its just me and my d's at home. I am also sahm . I had been on my own 6yrs and then a year and a half ago,,I just felt ready to date again. I decided the only option was on line dating as with d's disability frequent babysitters were out of the question. I did meet someone I thought was special but he lived far away. Luckily,or so I thought at the time,,he hated his job and wanted to find a new one and as he had been travelling up a lot to see me in the first few months, he asked to move up and move in and find work here. I agreed. Big mistake.i found out all sorts in the first 6 months about him,,all extremely distasteful. Anyway,, I called time on it 3 months ago and it's just me and ds again. It has not put me off dating and I will still use on line sites but will definitely only date people who live closer and certainly take things more slowly!!! In the 6 years on my own,I truly believed I wouldn't be able to date again due to responsibilities and practicalities, but I proved myself wrong. I have always looked after myself diet and exercise wise,I feel good about me and it is nice to have someone to cuddle/laugh with. Unfortunately,our options are limited r.e. getting out a lot on our own in the evenings so on line dating is the way for me. It socks, ,,but that's life!!

Sorry!lol sucks. .. not socks

Hi chinuphigh,

that's why I advised Wengle about being careful. There will be some men who,unfortunately, will think she's possibly a soft touch, being a single mum with a child with needs. There's anough threads on here about poor mum's who have a coscklodger for an OH.

I admire people, not just women, who cope with a child who has difficulties. We were very lucky in that our two girls and our two grandsons haven't nneded that additional care. I just hate the thought of someone abusing that family. They need love, help and support not abuse.

you never know, socks are important

. Love my socks ineedabodytransplant! ! Yes there are definitely nasty people out there who will try to exploit. In my case,the ex bf,declared himself bankrupt and took a low paid job. Too many flashy holidays with the girlfriend prior to me. We got engaged with no immediate plans to marry. The plan was after 13 months to find a well paid job here, but he took one back where he came from and tried to persuade me and ds to go with him. He had no support network whatsoever. The cheek of it!!!! Tried to relegate me to part time committed partner but he had too many dirty skeletons in his closet for that to work for me. Anyway,,we do have to be on our toes and very careful but I believe my mister right fit is out there somewhere!! Loving my d's to the moon and back and realising what I can cope with makes me stronger and at 45 years old I won't settle for less than we both deserve.

Thanks for your replies Ineedabodytransplant and chinup. I wouldn't say I'm even lonely to be honest, it's more that I feel there is another dimension life could have again.

I've been the happiest I've ever been in these years on my own. There is no way I want anyone in my for the sake of it. But I feel ready to meet some again.

I totally hear what your saying about how some may wish to take advantage Ineedabodytransplant. I'm sorry to hear you ended up in that situation chinup. It is a worry about online dating.

I also am happy in myself like you chinup I definitely don't need someone to want me to feel good about myself. I just want someone to share stuff with. I may not have the best of health but my life with ds is very precious and I love him to the ends of the earth. I would not share that with any one less than just right!

I don't even know when I would be able to go on a date with someone I meet online? How do you do that? Lunchtime?

What about friends - could they introduce you to someone? That way they are at least pre-vetted iyswim. It doesn't have to be a formal date, they could just invite someone along to a family-friendly gathering of some kind. Or what about hobbies. Not sure if you have any/much free time with ds's needs, but is there anything you like to do that might involve others? Anything that gets you out and mixing with a wider circle of acquaintances is good. Eg, there is a conservation group near me who get together on occasional saturdays and clear rubbish from local parks, land improvement, clearing paths through woods, etc - all welcome all ages including kids, dogs, etc.

A good friend looked after ds on first dates with ex. But I have to be honest,there weren't many dates before he was coming to see me at home in the evenings. It's the getting out part that's hard. I was very much like you. All those years on my own,just focusing on me and ds were therapy!! You really find an inner peace and truly get to know yourself. You know inside when it's time for a little bit of adult company for yourself.

.Hi merry no friends to introduce me I'm afraid, I moved when I became a single mum and now have a small group of mum friends, oddly enough all divorced or seperated too! Due to some of ds difficulties I can't really socialise with other families at weekends.

I like the idea of joining a voluntary group, but it would have to be in school hrs and I don't think I'm likely to meet a man in those hrs so much?

I know what you mean chinup I've been all consumed supporting ds and myself. But like you said I just know inside the time is coming for me. I just got to work out where to start.

It's tough hon. It's quite hard for other people to realise our kids are with us constantly unless they are at school. I run a lot when ds is at school. He runs with me at weekends. He started when he was 3 and he's really good now. He can run 5 miles!! Staves off medication. It's nigh impossible to meet someone in any social situation. I gave a lot of thought to online dating before i tried it. It felt awkward at first. I'd just log on,look and then log back off. A friend of mine met her longterm bf on there and she too was scared in the beginning. An upside is you are safe in your own home with your ds and can have some lovely and funny conversations. A bit of flirting too!!lol!

Tbh I really want to have someone to hang out with, have a laugh with etc but I don't really want to go out dating. Does that make sense? i don't have a clue how to find it at the moment.

I can't get out in the evening but even if I could I couldnt really anyway Iyswim. My days start at the crack of dawn and I get exhausted in the evening due to my own illness. It's so frustrating though as I still have loads to share in life just not during others usual socialising times!

X-posted there. A family member and several of my old friends met their long term partners on line so definitely think it can work really well. Just not sure if I can work it for me!?

The running sounds great by the way! I had just started couch to 5k when i was diagnosed with my illness and I cannot run now because of my joints. I have taken up meditation and Pilates instead which are great (no men to meet at pilates though!) Ds is not still or quiet enough for those activities either

. It's a tough one!!! I worked out it was my only option short of meeting someone on a cross country run!!! I always hoped I'd bump into Mark Cavendish cycling along the path and I'd quite literally throw myself at him,,but that didn't happen either

No advice here, but I"m sure you will get attention if you put yourself out there, as they say, something I've not done due to shyness.

Good luck