Do i ask to check his phone tomorrow night?

[ohjo]

DH is returning from the city abroad after 2 weeks away. He's had OW there for 2-3 years. Swore/swears it is/was over. Was in touch over Xmas with OW. Swears its over now. Very sorry, tears, remorse. No affection for me though. I can't trust him of course! But IF he is telling the truth, IS it worth asking to check his phone activity whilst away. He will really despise me for asking but i don't have much to loose. If he's being honest it may help rebuild my trust. Just need some support unless anyone thinks i shouldn't. Or how to do it gently as i am not an aggressive person….i suppose if he says no i can't see it, then i presume him guilty.

thank you for all your replies on my other thread, they really helped formulate a plan.

I totally understand the temptation to ask to see but really what good will it do? You cannot trust this man.

If you check his phone and see he no evidence, it may be because he has deleted it or because the OW wasn't jnterested - by no means does it mean he has turned a new leaf.

Sorry for typos

You don't trust him. You may never trust him again. To be honest, that's not a relationship at all then and it's entirely his fault.
This is really a bigger question than asking to see his phone. It's asking yourself whether you are happy to continue in the relationship.

You don't trust him. You don't need 'proof' as it's not a court of law. The issue is not about finding the right approach to asking to see his phone .. The issue is him cheating on you, continuing to take the piss out of you and you putting up with it

Try and re draw your boundaries. The only acceptable level of cheating / texting other women/ fucking around is ZERO

There is no affection or anything in the relationship.

Your relationship is a dead duck.

You deserve better evidence or not.

You don't need evidence to end a bad relationship. In any case, you have loads and loads of evidence of previous bad behaviour.

Why can't you allow yourself to end it without recent evidence?

Thank you everyone, i'm really glad i asked you and ended my own torture. What you say makes a lot of sense.

Once the trust is gone. It is gone. While you might think that checking his phone might help rebuild trust it really won't. It'll raise the stakes. What about the next time and the time after that. Like a pp said, lack of evidence doesn't mean something hasn't or will not happen. Living like that is a one-way ticket to madness.
Save yourself the drama and the anxiety. Relationships aren't a court of law where evidence is required. It seems you're now on a downward spiral. I've read this sentence many times on these boards: if it isn't working out for you that's all the reason you need.

Many people send themselves mad trying to second-guess their partners or stay one step ahead. Quite frankly that's a waste of time, energy and emotion.
Time to formulate a plan. There's a life waiting for you that doesn't involve constant worrying or questioning.

You don't trust him for a reason and every fibre of your being is telling you that all is not well.

Please take it from someone who knows - its time to move on.