who is right? holiday entitlement post divorce

[bathshebaeverbusy]

I'm divorced. Children are with me and see their dad alternate weekends.
In marriage, i was a sahm. Now, i do a part-time job to supplement his payments but holiday entitlement doesn't cover all school hols. I will use all my 16 days in school hols and suggested to ex that we should each use our respective holiday entitlement in the school hols. He disagrees and is only offering 8 days! ( Presuming he wants to go away with the new woman) he says he has no obligation regarding childcare.

Tbh regardless of who is right you can't force someone to have children to stay, not even their own. I dont think its that uncommon from NRPs to put their social life before the children. Doesn't mean it's right.

I'm divorced and the RP and I use some of my holiday to have time away without my child. I use holiday club.
It's not automatically wrong.

He doesn't have them very much - whose choice was that?

Does he pay maintenance only to CMS level or higher? If higher, that presumably reflects childcare costs.

I think you're possibly morally right, but not legally.

Is your Consent Order all signed off? Or are you still negotiating?
I don't claim the maintenance that I could from my ex, but I do make him pay for half of holiday club. As that cost is covered, I don't care how many days he covers in person.

Morally you are right. Of course he has an obligation regarding childcare, they are his children too.

However, chances of him actually doing it are next to none.

Presumably this "I am alright Jack, fuck you" attitude is one of the reasons you are now divorced? My ex has the same attitude, and forgets that without me doing 90% of the childcare both pre and post divorce, he wouldnt be able to have the job he has......

My XH flatly refuses to have DD in the holidays as he is self employed and will not take the time off work as he says that he cant afford it. So 13 weeks of the year I have to struggle to work and find childcare. I am also self employed and have clients that I can't let down.

There is nothing I can do about it, unless I want to go to court over it. I wish that I had got it agreed when we did the consent order, but i never thought that he would refuse to have her. That was 3 years ago.

you will need to use chbildcare. holiday clubs/whatever.

Would he like to have the children more than every alternate weekend?

Even with both parents giving up their full holiday entitlement, school holidays are a problem. It's never easy.

Holiday allowances often do not cover the entire school holidays (regardless of family set up) but when there is a SAHP you're insulated from this.

When both parents work, or it's a lone parent in work, the standard solutions are to use holiday clubs, negotiate child swops, hire a student as a temp nanny etc.

I think you do need to organise the childcare for the days when DC are resident with you. And you cannot force him to take leave to suit your convenience, and in the longer term it's probably better that you are not dependent on his ability to book leave on time.

(Yes, it would be better if he wanted to go on holiday with them, and I hope he realises this before too long. But unless you want to be locked in to tedious negotiations for every holiday, it's better to see it as a nice extra, not your childcare solution).

Do you have any family who can help out? I used to look after my nephew for at least one week in the summer, one week at Easter (and most half terms). My Mum would do 2 weeks in the summer - with lots of help from other siblings. Because we live at a distance it had to full-time, overnight for the weeks allocated. So SIL planned it well in advance with us. her own mother would come over from a European country to help also. SIL would use her AL for family holidays with nephew in Summer and at Christmas.

Weeks that weren't covered by family could be covered with holiday clubs (but family support kept her outgoing-costs to a minimum).

I should say that my brother died when my nephew was 6 years old so it wasn't a case of a parent not stepping up to the plate.

Are you signed up to childcare vouchers? These can be used to pay for holiday care. The scheme is changing in Sept but you could still save for the summer between now and then.

The idea of my ex using any of his holidays when he was working to has DS was never even discussed. It was just expected that I would use all of mine while he would swan off during his and do whatever he wanted. Not that I minded, I love spending time with DS and now my ex has no relationship with him. You get out what you out in and all that